IELTS Writing Task 1: Bài mẫu Band 7.5 về Xã hội
Đề bài
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
Bài viết gốc
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The pie graphs illustrate the amount of time spent by a working class on six different activities (working, relaxing at home, sleeping, travelling to work, going out, and other hobbies) in a country in 1958 and 2008. Overall, the percentage of time spent on all the activities had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping. We can see that people spent more time relaxing at home and on other interests in 2008 compared to 1958. In 1958, people spent one-third of the time working, which increased in 2008 by 9% and it remained the top priority among working adults. However, people spent the least time on travelling to work in 1958, which was 2% though by 2008 people started spending 8% of their time commuting to work. It is evident from both the graphs that people spent almost one-fifth of the time with their family and friends in 1958 which was the third most time-consuming activity. On the contrary, in 2008, this activity became the least preferred activity with only 6% of the time. People also deprived of their sleep in 2008 as it decreased from 32% to 25%.
Đánh giá từ Nomad English
Trả lời đề bài
7.5
Tính liên kết và mạch lạc
8
Vốn từ vựng
7.5
Ngữ pháp và độ chính xác
7
Nhận xét từ giám khảo
Đây là bài viết có cấu trúc tốt, bao quát cả sáu hoạt động và sử dụng hiệu quả dữ liệu cụ thể. Phần tổng quan xác định thành công các xu hướng chính, và các đoạn thân bài cung cấp so sánh rõ ràng giữa 1958 và 2008. Câu bổ sung về thư giãn tại nhà và sở thích khác tăng cường phân tích. Tuy nhiên, 'working class' được sử dụng không chính xác (nên là 'working adults'), và câu 'had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping' có cấu trúc vụng về. 'We can see that' là tham chiếu cá nhân không cần thiết. Thiếu trợ động từ trong 'People also deprived of their sleep' là lỗi ngữ pháp. Bất chấp các vấn đề này, bài viết thể hiện khả năng kiểm soát tốt với chỉ một vài lỗi nhỏ.
Bài viết mẫu Band 9
Đây là cách một bài viết Band 9 trả lời cùng một câu hỏi:
A pair of pie charts records how working adults in one country spent their time in 1958 and again fifty years later, painting a picture of a society that grew busier, more home-bound, and less social.
The broad pattern is one of polarisation. Activities already claiming large portions of time — namely work — grew even larger, while mid-range activities like socialising collapsed. Sleep, though still substantial, lost ground. Work and sleep together represented 65% of adults' time in 1958 and 67% in 2008, but the internal balance flipped: work overtook sleep as the clear leader.
In concrete terms, working hours expanded from 33% to 42% of total time. Commuting mirrored this trend, quadrupling from 2% to 8%. Treating commuting as an extension of the workday, job-related time leapt from 35% to 50% — an extraordinary half of all available hours. Sleep, meanwhile, contracted from 32% to 25%.
The leisure categories shifted in revealing ways. Going out with friends and family, which had occupied nearly a fifth of adults' time in 1958 (19%), shrank to just 6% — the steepest fall of any category. In its place, home relaxation rose from 8% to 13%, and hobbies or sports grew from 6% to 8%. The picture is of adults who, pressed for time, retreated indoors for whatever relaxation they could manage.
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