IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド7.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
提出されたエッセイ
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The pie graphs illustrate the amount of time spent by a working class on six different activities (working, relaxing at home, sleeping, travelling to work, going out, and other hobbies) in a country in 1958 and 2008. Overall, the percentage of time spent on all the activities had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping. We can see that people spent more time relaxing at home and on other interests in 2008 compared to 1958. In 1958, people spent one-third of the time working, which increased in 2008 by 9% and it remained the top priority among working adults. However, people spent the least time on travelling to work in 1958, which was 2% though by 2008 people started spending 8% of their time commuting to work. It is evident from both the graphs that people spent almost one-fifth of the time with their family and friends in 1958 which was the third most time-consuming activity. On the contrary, in 2008, this activity became the least preferred activity with only 6% of the time. People also deprived of their sleep in 2008 as it decreased from 32% to 25%.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7.5
一貫性と結束性
8
語彙力
7.5
文法の幅と正確性
7
試験官フィードバック
これは全6つの活動を網羅し、具体的なデータを効果的に使用した構造の整った回答です。概要は主要な傾向を正しく特定し、本文段落は1958年と2008年の明確な比較を提供しています。家庭でのリラックスやその他の趣味に関する追加文は分析を強化しています。しかし、'working class'の使用は不正確であり（'working adults'とすべき）、'had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping'は構造が不自然です。'We can see that'は不必要な個人的参照です。'People also deprived of their sleep'での助動詞の欠落は文法エラーです。これらの問題にもかかわらず、回答は時折の誤りを除いて良好なコントロールを示しています。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
A pair of pie charts records how working adults in one country spent their time in 1958 and again fifty years later, painting a picture of a society that grew busier, more home-bound, and less social.
The broad pattern is one of polarisation. Activities already claiming large portions of time — namely work — grew even larger, while mid-range activities like socialising collapsed. Sleep, though still substantial, lost ground. Work and sleep together represented 65% of adults' time in 1958 and 67% in 2008, but the internal balance flipped: work overtook sleep as the clear leader.
In concrete terms, working hours expanded from 33% to 42% of total time. Commuting mirrored this trend, quadrupling from 2% to 8%. Treating commuting as an extension of the workday, job-related time leapt from 35% to 50% — an extraordinary half of all available hours. Sleep, meanwhile, contracted from 32% to 25%.
The leisure categories shifted in revealing ways. Going out with friends and family, which had occupied nearly a fifth of adults' time in 1958 (19%), shrank to just 6% — the steepest fall of any category. In its place, home relaxation rose from 8% to 13%, and hobbies or sports grew from 6% to 8%. The picture is of adults who, pressed for time, retreated indoors for whatever relaxation they could manage.
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