IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 7.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
Original Submission
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The pie graphs illustrate the amount of time spent by a working class on six different activities (working, relaxing at home, sleeping, travelling to work, going out, and other hobbies) in a country in 1958 and 2008. Overall, the percentage of time spent on all the activities had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping. We can see that people spent more time relaxing at home and on other interests in 2008 compared to 1958. In 1958, people spent one-third of the time working, which increased in 2008 by 9% and it remained the top priority among working adults. However, people spent the least time on travelling to work in 1958, which was 2% though by 2008 people started spending 8% of their time commuting to work. It is evident from both the graphs that people spent almost one-fifth of the time with their family and friends in 1958 which was the third most time-consuming activity. On the contrary, in 2008, this activity became the least preferred activity with only 6% of the time. People also deprived of their sleep in 2008 as it decreased from 32% to 25%.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
8
Lexical Resource
7.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
7
Examiner Feedback
This is a well-structured response that covers all six activities and makes effective use of specific data. The overview successfully identifies the key trends, and the body paragraphs provide clear comparisons between 1958 and 2008. The additional sentence about home relaxation and other interests strengthens the analysis. However, 'working class' is used incorrectly (should be 'working adults'), and the sentence 'had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping' is awkwardly structured. 'We can see that' is an unnecessary personal reference. The missing auxiliary verb in 'People also deprived of their sleep' is a grammatical error. Despite these issues, the response demonstrates good control with only occasional lapses.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
A pair of pie charts records how working adults in one country spent their time in 1958 and again fifty years later, painting a picture of a society that grew busier, more home-bound, and less social.
The broad pattern is one of polarisation. Activities already claiming large portions of time — namely work — grew even larger, while mid-range activities like socialising collapsed. Sleep, though still substantial, lost ground. Work and sleep together represented 65% of adults' time in 1958 and 67% in 2008, but the internal balance flipped: work overtook sleep as the clear leader.
In concrete terms, working hours expanded from 33% to 42% of total time. Commuting mirrored this trend, quadrupling from 2% to 8%. Treating commuting as an extension of the workday, job-related time leapt from 35% to 50% — an extraordinary half of all available hours. Sleep, meanwhile, contracted from 32% to 25%.
The leisure categories shifted in revealing ways. Going out with friends and family, which had occupied nearly a fifth of adults' time in 1958 (19%), shrank to just 6% — the steepest fall of any category. In its place, home relaxation rose from 8% to 13%, and hobbies or sports grew from 6% to 8%. The picture is of adults who, pressed for time, retreated indoors for whatever relaxation they could manage.
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