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IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド5.5 エッセイサンプル — 環境

Task 1 Band 5.5 環境

エッセイ問題

タイプ: その他

"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."

Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town

StageStepDescription
1CollectionRainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains
2FiltrationWater passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles
3StorageFiltered water is stored in a large underground storage tank
4Chemical TreatmentWater is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it
5DistributionFully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system

提出されたエッセイ

ハイライトされたテキストをクリックして提案を表示

The process diagram below depicts how rain water is installed to be collected and then treated to finally be used as drinkable water in some town in Australia. Overall, it is clearly can be seen that the proccess consists of five sequential stages starting from collecting rain drops to ultimatley be usable in houses. Firstly, rain water slides into the drain from the house roof, through drains, rain water is shortly transffered to water filter, there where water is purified from pollutants and undesirable substances. After that, the filtered water goes through a pipe that leads to a huge square-shaped storage then immediatley go through another pipe to be treated. The water treatment includs chemical substances that are pumped to be mixed with water in order to be completly clean. After the box is filled to the top, purified water will be pumped to the house and ultimatley be utilized by human consumption.

Nomad English 評価

総合バンドスコア 5.5

タスク達成度

6.5

一貫性と結束性

5.5

語彙力

5

文法の幅と正確性

5

試験官フィードバック

このエッセイはプロセスの5つの段階すべてを説明しようとしていますが、多数のスペルミス、文法的誤り、不正確な語彙によって大幅に評価が下がっています。「is installed to be collected」「it is clearly can be seen」などの重大な誤りや、「proccess」「transffered」「immediatley」「includs」「completly」などの誤字が目立ちます。文構造も不明確な部分があり、つながりの悪い文が全体的な一貫性を損なっています。内容は主要な段階をカバーしていますが、より高いバンドに必要な言語の正確さと幅が不足しています。

バンド9 モデル回答

同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答:

The diagram illustrates the sequential process through which rainwater is collected from house rooftops and transformed into safe drinking water for use in an Australian town. Overall, the process comprises five distinct stages: collection, filtration, storage, chemical treatment, and finally distribution to households. Each stage plays an essential role in ensuring the water is fit for human consumption. In the first stage, rainwater falling onto sloped rooftops is directed into gutters and channelled through underground drainage pipes that connect all houses in the area. The water then flows into a water filter, which removes physical impurities such as leaves, sediment, and other particles, completing the initial purification phase. Following filtration, the cleaned water is conveyed into a large underground storage tank, where it is held until the next stage of treatment. It is subsequently pumped into a separate water treatment tank, into which chemical substances are introduced to eliminate harmful microorganisms and residual contaminants. Once the chemical treatment is complete, the fully purified drinking water is pumped through a pipe network and delivered to every household, ready for safe consumption.

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