IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 5.5 Essay Sample on the Environment
Essay Question
"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."
Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town
| Stage | Step | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Collection | Rainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains |
| 2 | Filtration | Water passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles |
| 3 | Storage | Filtered water is stored in a large underground storage tank |
| 4 | Chemical Treatment | Water is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it |
| 5 | Distribution | Fully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system |
Original Submission
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The process diagram below depicts how rain water is installed to be collected and then treated to finally be used as drinkable water in some town in Australia. Overall, it is clearly can be seen that the proccess consists of five sequential stages starting from collecting rain drops to ultimatley be usable in houses. Firstly, rain water slides into the drain from the house roof, through drains, rain water is shortly transffered to water filter, there where water is purified from pollutants and undesirable substances. After that, the filtered water goes through a pipe that leads to a huge square-shaped storage then immediatley go through another pipe to be treated. The water treatment includs chemical substances that are pumped to be mixed with water in order to be completly clean. After the box is filled to the top, purified water will be pumped to the house and ultimatley be utilized by human consumption.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
5
Examiner Feedback
This essay demonstrates an attempt to describe all five stages of the process, but it is significantly undermined by numerous spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, and imprecise vocabulary. Key errors include 'is installed to be collected', 'it is clearly can be seen', and multiple misspellings such as 'proccess', 'transffered', 'immediatley', 'includs', and 'completly'. Sentence structures are sometimes unclear and run-on sentences reduce overall coherence. The content covers the main stages but lacks the accuracy and range of language required for a higher band. Consistent proofreading and a stronger grasp of subject-verb agreement are needed.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The diagram illustrates the sequential process through which rainwater is collected from house rooftops and transformed into safe drinking water for use in an Australian town. Overall, the process comprises five distinct stages: collection, filtration, storage, chemical treatment, and finally distribution to households. Each stage plays an essential role in ensuring the water is fit for human consumption. In the first stage, rainwater falling onto sloped rooftops is directed into gutters and channelled through underground drainage pipes that connect all houses in the area. The water then flows into a water filter, which removes physical impurities such as leaves, sediment, and other particles, completing the initial purification phase. Following filtration, the cleaned water is conveyed into a large underground storage tank, where it is held until the next stage of treatment. It is subsequently pumped into a separate water treatment tank, into which chemical substances are introduced to eliminate harmful microorganisms and residual contaminants. Once the chemical treatment is complete, the fully purified drinking water is pumped through a pipe network and delivered to every household, ready for safe consumption.
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