IELTS Writing Task 1: Bài mẫu Band 5.5 về Xã hội
Đề bài
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
Bài viết gốc
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The pie charts illustrate the proporation of time cost by different activities for the working adults in a certain nation in 1958 and 2008. Looking from an overall perspective, the percentage of time spent on working, relaxing at home and other interests or playing sports were increased in the given years. However, the time of other three activities consumed were decreased at the same time. In terms of the events which experienced an increasement of time, the percentage of time of working rised 9 percent, up to 42 percentage in 2008 and become the most time-consuming activity. The activities of relaxing at home and other interests or playing sports were seperately increased 5 percentage and 2 percentage in terms of time consuming. As regards to going out, travel to work and sleeping activities, they were all decreased in different percentage of time. The most noticiable one was going out with friends or family, which dramatically droped from 19 percentage to 6 percentage, approximately one third of the former proporation in 1958. As for the percentage of sleeping and travel to work, they were both declined over the given fifty years.
Đánh giá từ Nomad English
Trả lời đề bài
6
Tính liên kết và mạch lạc
5.5
Vốn từ vựng
5
Ngữ pháp và độ chính xác
5.5
Nhận xét từ giám khảo
Bài viết cố gắng mô tả cả hai biểu đồ tròn một cách có hệ thống, chia phân tích thành các hoạt động tăng và giảm. Tuy nhiên, bài viết bị ảnh hưởng nghiêm trọng bởi lỗi chính tả thường xuyên ('proporation', 'increasement', 'rised', 'seperately', 'droped', 'noticiable') và lỗi ngữ pháp ('they were both declined', 'become' thay vì 'became'). Từ 'increasement' không tồn tại trong tiếng Anh. Việc sử dụng 'percentage' thay vì 'percent' hoặc '%' xuyên suốt bài là không chính xác. Mặc dù cấu trúc tổ chức cho thấy sự nhóm hợp logic, nhưng các lỗi liên tục giới hạn bài viết ở Band 5.5.
Bài viết mẫu Band 9
Đây là cách một bài viết Band 9 trả lời cùng một câu hỏi:
Two pie charts present a breakdown of how working adults in a given country spent their time in 1958 and in 2008.
The half-century between these two snapshots brought a pronounced tilt toward work-dominated schedules. In both years, paid employment and sleep together consumed well over half of all available time, but the internal balance between them shifted considerably — work grew while sleep shrank.
Work absorbed a third of adults' hours in 1958 (33%) and had risen to 42% by 2008 — nearly half their total time. Sleep, which once ran almost neck-and-neck with work at 32%, dropped to 25%. Commuting ballooned from a negligible 2% to 8%, meaning work-related activity (including travel) consumed exactly half of all time by 2008, up from 35% fifty years earlier.
Social outings suffered the sharpest single decline of any category, collapsing from 19% to just 6%. Relaxation at home partly offset this, growing from 8% to 13%, while hobbies and sports edged up from 6% to 8%. The picture that emerges is one of adults who traded outdoor social life for longer office hours and quieter evenings indoors.
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