IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド5.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
提出されたエッセイ
ハイライトされたテキストをクリックして提案を表示
The pie charts illustrate the proporation of time cost by different activities for the working adults in a certain nation in 1958 and 2008. Looking from an overall perspective, the percentage of time spent on working, relaxing at home and other interests or playing sports were increased in the given years. However, the time of other three activities consumed were decreased at the same time. In terms of the events which experienced an increasement of time, the percentage of time of working rised 9 percent, up to 42 percentage in 2008 and become the most time-consuming activity. The activities of relaxing at home and other interests or playing sports were seperately increased 5 percentage and 2 percentage in terms of time consuming. As regards to going out, travel to work and sleeping activities, they were all decreased in different percentage of time. The most noticiable one was going out with friends or family, which dramatically droped from 19 percentage to 6 percentage, approximately one third of the former proporation in 1958. As for the percentage of sleeping and travel to work, they were both declined over the given fifty years.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6
一貫性と結束性
5.5
語彙力
5
文法の幅と正確性
5.5
試験官フィードバック
この回答は両方の円グラフを体系的に記述しようとし、増加した活動と減少した活動に分析を分けています。しかし、頻繁なスペルミス（'proporation'、'increasement'、'rised'、'seperately'、'droped'、'noticiable'）と文法ミス（'they were both declined'、'become'を'became'の代わりに使用）により大きく損なわれています。'increasement'という単語は英語に存在しません。全体を通じて'percentage'を'percent'や'%'の代わりに使用しているのは不正確です。構成には論理的なグループ分けが見られますが、語彙と文法の持続的なエラーがバンド5.5に制限しています。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
Two pie charts present a breakdown of how working adults in a given country spent their time in 1958 and in 2008.
The half-century between these two snapshots brought a pronounced tilt toward work-dominated schedules. In both years, paid employment and sleep together consumed well over half of all available time, but the internal balance between them shifted considerably — work grew while sleep shrank.
Work absorbed a third of adults' hours in 1958 (33%) and had risen to 42% by 2008 — nearly half their total time. Sleep, which once ran almost neck-and-neck with work at 32%, dropped to 25%. Commuting ballooned from a negligible 2% to 8%, meaning work-related activity (including travel) consumed exactly half of all time by 2008, up from 35% fifty years earlier.
Social outings suffered the sharpest single decline of any category, collapsing from 19% to just 6%. Relaxation at home partly offset this, growing from 8% to 13%, while hobbies and sports edged up from 6% to 8%. The picture that emerges is one of adults who traded outdoor social life for longer office hours and quieter evenings indoors.
あなたのエッセイも即座にフィードバック
AI評価システムがIELTSライティングを数秒で採点 — 上記のような詳細な添削付き。
無料で試す