IELTSライティング Task 2: バンド6.5 エッセイサンプル — 政府
エッセイ問題
"Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
提出されたエッセイ
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Poverty represents a worldwide crisis. It is the ugliest epidemic in a region, which could infect countries in the most debilitating ways. To tackle this issue, rich countries need to help those in need and give a hand when possible. I agree that there are several ways of aiding poor countries other than financial aid, like providing countries in need with engineers, workers, and soldiers who would build infrastructure. Building universities, hospitals, and roadways. By having a solid infrastructure, poor countries would be able to monetise their profits and build a stronger and more profitable economy which would help them in the long term. Once unprivilged countries find their niche, the major hurdle would be passed and would definitely pave the way for much brighter future. However, I do disagree that financial aid does not solve poverty, it does if used properly and efficiently. The most determining factor if financial aid would be the way to go, is by identifying what type of poor countries' representative are dealing with. Some countries will have a responsible leader and some will not, with that being said, implementing a strategy, to distinguish responsible leaders from others, would tailor the type of aid rich countries could use. An example, A clear report and constant observation would be applied to track the progress and how this type of aid is being monetized. In summary, types of aid varies from country to another, and tailoring the type of aid is of paramount importance to solve this problem that had huge toll on poor countries.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7
一貫性と結束性
6
語彙力
7
文法の幅と正確性
6
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイは明確な立場を示し、インフラ開発やガバナンスの説明責任に関する適切なアイデアでトピックへの良い理解を示しています。「monetise their profits」「of paramount importance」などの表現は評価できる語彙力を示しています。しかし、明確な本文段落の欠如、文の断片化、不明確な議論の流れなど構造的な弱点があり、主語と動詞の不一致や冠詞の欠落などの文法的な誤りが目立ちます。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
Poverty remains one of the most pervasive challenges confronting the developing world, and the question of how wealthier nations can most effectively assist continues to provoke debate. While financial aid has traditionally been the primary mechanism of support, I largely agree that alternative forms of assistance can yield more sustainable results, although monetary contributions should not be dismissed entirely.
One of the most impactful ways developed countries can support poorer nations is through investment in infrastructure and human capital. By deploying skilled engineers, educators, and healthcare professionals to regions in need, wealthy nations can help establish the foundations necessary for long-term economic growth. The construction of universities, hospitals, and transport networks enables developing countries to cultivate their own workforce, attract foreign investment, and ultimately build self-sustaining economies. Once underprivileged nations develop the institutional capacity to capitalise on their resources, they become far better positioned to break the cycle of dependency that financial aid alone often perpetuates.
However, it would be misguided to argue that financial aid has no role to play in poverty alleviation. When allocated transparently and monitored rigorously, direct funding can address urgent humanitarian needs such as famine relief, epidemic response, and post-disaster reconstruction. The critical factor is accountability: donor nations must assess the governance structures of recipient countries and implement robust oversight mechanisms — including detailed reporting frameworks and ongoing evaluation — to ensure funds are utilised effectively and reach the populations that need them most.
In conclusion, while financial aid remains a necessary tool in certain circumstances, developed nations should prioritise comprehensive support strategies that combine infrastructure development, knowledge transfer, and institutional strengthening. Tailoring the form of assistance to the specific needs and governance capacity of each recipient country is paramount to achieving lasting progress against global poverty.
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