IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on Government
Essay Question
"Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
Original Submission
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Poverty represents a worldwide crisis. It is the ugliest epidemic in a region, which could infect countries in the most debilitating ways. To tackle this issue, rich countries need to help those in need and give a hand when possible. I agree that there are several ways of aiding poor countries other than financial aid, like providing countries in need with engineers, workers, and soldiers who would build infrastructure. Building universities, hospitals, and roadways. By having a solid infrastructure, poor countries would be able to monetise their profits and build a stronger and more profitable economy which would help them in the long term. Once unprivilged countries find their niche, the major hurdle would be passed and would definitely pave the way for much brighter future. However, I do disagree that financial aid does not solve poverty, it does if used properly and efficiently. The most determining factor if financial aid would be the way to go, is by identifying what type of poor countries' representative are dealing with. Some countries will have a responsible leader and some will not, with that being said, implementing a strategy, to distinguish responsible leaders from others, would tailor the type of aid rich countries could use. An example, A clear report and constant observation would be applied to track the progress and how this type of aid is being monetized. In summary, types of aid varies from country to another, and tailoring the type of aid is of paramount importance to solve this problem that had huge toll on poor countries.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7
Coherence & Cohesion
6
Lexical Resource
7
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay presents a clear position and demonstrates good topical awareness with relevant ideas about infrastructure development and governance accountability. The vocabulary is generally strong, with phrases like 'monetise their profits' and 'of paramount importance' showing commendable lexical range. However, the essay suffers from structural weaknesses: it lacks distinct body paragraphs, includes sentence fragments, and the argument flow is sometimes hard to follow. Notable grammatical errors include subject-verb disagreement, missing articles, and an awkwardly constructed sentence about determining factors that obscures the intended meaning.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
Poverty remains one of the most pervasive challenges confronting the developing world, and the question of how wealthier nations can most effectively assist continues to provoke debate. While financial aid has traditionally been the primary mechanism of support, I largely agree that alternative forms of assistance can yield more sustainable results, although monetary contributions should not be dismissed entirely.
One of the most impactful ways developed countries can support poorer nations is through investment in infrastructure and human capital. By deploying skilled engineers, educators, and healthcare professionals to regions in need, wealthy nations can help establish the foundations necessary for long-term economic growth. The construction of universities, hospitals, and transport networks enables developing countries to cultivate their own workforce, attract foreign investment, and ultimately build self-sustaining economies. Once underprivileged nations develop the institutional capacity to capitalise on their resources, they become far better positioned to break the cycle of dependency that financial aid alone often perpetuates.
However, it would be misguided to argue that financial aid has no role to play in poverty alleviation. When allocated transparently and monitored rigorously, direct funding can address urgent humanitarian needs such as famine relief, epidemic response, and post-disaster reconstruction. The critical factor is accountability: donor nations must assess the governance structures of recipient countries and implement robust oversight mechanisms — including detailed reporting frameworks and ongoing evaluation — to ensure funds are utilised effectively and reach the populations that need them most.
In conclusion, while financial aid remains a necessary tool in certain circumstances, developed nations should prioritise comprehensive support strategies that combine infrastructure development, knowledge transfer, and institutional strengthening. Tailoring the form of assistance to the specific needs and governance capacity of each recipient country is paramount to achieving lasting progress against global poverty.
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