IELTSライティング Task 2: バンド7 エッセイサンプル — 教育
エッセイ問題
"Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?"
提出されたエッセイ
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In recent time, it is observed that the number of students enrolling for Science or Mathematics in higher education is decreasing all over the world. There are plenty of reasons that are causing this decline which will affect the society negatively. In this essay, I will discuss why the number of pupils is deacreasing who prefer science stream and what will be the impacts on a community if it continues. The main reason of this situation is lack of trained science and mathematics teachers. STEM teachers are not able to kindle the joy of learning among students. If students do not get proper foundation and motivation in their school life to pursue STEM subjects, they will develop Math or Science phobia. Subsequently, they will rather prefer other streams to complete their higher education. Eventually, this situation will impact the scociety in many ways. Firstly, there would be scarcity of doctors all over the world which will affect health sector dramatically. Eventually, people will suffer with many health problems. Secondly, if students do not take STEM subjects in university, there will not be STEM teachers to teach future generation. According to me, government must take firm steps to avoid these situations in future. There must be some training program to keep STEM teachers up to date to enhance their teaching. This will enable teachers to make science subjects enjoyable for students, for instance, teachers may incorporate technology in the learning process. To conclude, I believe that government and teachers should take the resposibility to create the conducive environment to learn these subjects in fun way. This will, eventually, increase the number of students enrolling for STEM subjects in recent future. Otherwise, it may have negative impacts on society which will not be a good sign for any country.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7
一貫性と結束性
7
語彙力
7
文法の幅と正確性
6.5
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイは設問の両方の部分に回答し、論理的な順序でアイデアを提示しています。導入部は明確な論旨を提供していますが、最後の文は不必要に冗長でスペルミス(「deacreasing」)があります。段落分けは明確で、原因と影響が分けられています。「STEM」の使用はトピックへの認識を示し、語彙は概ね適切です(「scarcity」「conducive」「subsequently」)。しかし、一部の表現がくだけており(「According to me」「fun way」)、スペルミス(「scociety」「resposibility」)があります。文法はおおむね正確で構造の幅も適度ですが、冠詞の使い方と語順の問題が残っています。本文の段落で影響と解決策が混在しており、構造的一貫性がやや弱まっています。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答:
Something quietly alarming is happening in universities worldwide: the sciences are losing ground. Fewer students each year commit to studying biology, physics, mathematics, or chemistry at degree level, and the roots of this decline reach deep into how education systems prepare—or fail to prepare—young people for scientific thinking. The problem begins long before university application deadlines. In many secondary schools, science is taught by generalists who may hold a teaching qualification but lack genuine subject expertise. A physics class led by someone whose own training stopped at introductory level is unlikely to convey the discipline's intellectual excitement. Students who spend their formative years memorising textbook definitions without ever conducting a meaningful experiment arrive at university viewing science as tedious busywork. Those who might have developed a passion for research never get the spark. Meanwhile, career guidance in schools overwhelmingly favours fields with visible, well-compensated entry points—accounting, software development, marketing—while career paths in pure science remain poorly explained and easy to dismiss as unrealistic. The ripple effects of declining science enrolment touch virtually every part of modern life. Hospitals need pharmacists, pathologists, and biomedical researchers; a sustained drop in science graduates translates directly into staff shortages that compromise patient care. Agricultural research, essential for adapting food systems to shifting climates, depends on soil scientists and geneticists who are increasingly difficult to recruit. Even national defence has a scientific dimension: countries that cannot train their own engineers and physicists must purchase military technology abroad, creating strategic vulnerabilities that no amount of diplomatic skill can entirely offset. The most effective response would combine investment at every stage of the pipeline. Well-funded specialist teacher training, laboratory facilities that allow genuine experimentation in schools, undergraduate research placements that connect science students with working professionals, and postgraduate stipends competitive enough to make a doctorate financially rational—together, these measures would rebuild the bridge between curiosity and career that too many education systems have allowed to crumble.
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