IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド8.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
提出されたエッセイ
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Information is presented in two pie charts which compare the amount of time, in percentage, that employees spent on six different activities in a country between 1958 and 2008. Overall, it can be clearly seen that while each activity that working adults did experienced a wide variety of changes, working and sleeping were the most and the second most popular categories in both years respectively. In addition, the most significant change in employees' behaviour was travelling to work. Turning to first main feature, working ranked first in activity that working adults spent their time on over the survey period, contributing to 33% in 1958 and 42% in 2008. Next, sleeping ranked second in the activity that employees did. In 1958 the amount of time that employees slept was an exact 32%, before decreasing slightly to a precise 25% in 2008. Turning to another main feature, with respect to going out, the popularity of this activity decreased noticeably from a modest 19% in 1958 to only 6% in 2008. Nevertheless, there was also an increase of 5% in relaxing at home. In 1958 only 8% of working adults spent their time on this activity. After that the popularity of this activity rose to a modest 13% in 2008. The last key point to note is travelling to work which rose fourfold from a precise 2% in 1958 to an exact 8% in 2008.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
8.5
一貫性と結束性
8.5
語彙力
8.5
文法の幅と正確性
8.5
試験官フィードバック
このレスポンスはタスク1レポーティングの優れた理解を示しています。概要は重要な傾向を効果的に確立し、本文セクションでは具体的なデータと時期間の明確な比較を提供しています。ただし、'exact'と'precise'の使用が冗長であり、'modest 19%'などの表現はより客観的になれます。全体的に強い語彙範囲を示しており、Band 8.5の回答として適切です。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
The pie charts illustrate the allocation of time among working adults across six different activities during two distinct periods: 1958 and 2008, a fifty-year span.
Overall, the data reveals significant shifts in how working adults distribute their time. Paid employment and sleep consistently ranked as the two most time-consuming activities across both years, though their proportions changed notably. Conversely, leisure time devoted to socialising declined substantially, whilst commuting witnessed a dramatic increase.
Examining the specific trends, paid work expanded considerably from 33 percent to 42 percent, representing a nine-percentage-point increase. Sleep time, conversely, contracted from 32 percent to 25 percent, indicating a seven-percentage-point reduction. This inverse relationship suggests that increased working hours came at the expense of sleep.
Home relaxation showed a modest upward trajectory, increasing from eight percent to thirteen percent. By contrast, going out for social activities experienced a pronounced decline, dropping from 19 percent to merely six percent—a thirteen-percentage-point decrease. The most striking transformation occurred in commuting, which quadrupled from two percent to eight percent, reflecting either increased distances to workplaces or greater time spent in transit.
In summary, the five-decade period witnessed a fundamental restructuring of working adults' time allocation, characterised by heightened work commitments, reduced socialising opportunities, and substantially increased commuting pressures.
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