IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 8.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
Original Submission
Click highlighted text to view suggestions
Information is presented in two pie charts which compare the amount of time, in percentage, that employees spent on six different activities in a country between 1958 and 2008. Overall, it can be clearly seen that while each activity that working adults did experienced a wide variety of changes, working and sleeping were the most and the second most popular categories in both years respectively. In addition, the most significant change in employees' behaviour was travelling to work. Turning to first main feature, working ranked first in activity that working adults spent their time on over the survey period, contributing to 33% in 1958 and 42% in 2008. Next, sleeping ranked second in the activity that employees did. In 1958 the amount of time that employees slept was an exact 32%, before decreasing slightly to a precise 25% in 2008. Turning to another main feature, with respect to going out, the popularity of this activity decreased noticeably from a modest 19% in 1958 to only 6% in 2008. Nevertheless, there was also an increase of 5% in relaxing at home. In 1958 only 8% of working adults spent their time on this activity. After that the popularity of this activity rose to a modest 13% in 2008. The last key point to note is travelling to work which rose fourfold from a precise 2% in 1958 to an exact 8% in 2008.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
8.5
Coherence & Cohesion
8.5
Lexical Resource
8.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
8.5
Examiner Feedback
This response demonstrates excellent command of Task 1 reporting. The overview effectively establishes key trends, and body sections provide specific data points with clear comparisons between the two time periods. The writer uses precise language and varied sentence structures. However, there are minor inconsistencies in phrasing: 'exact' and 'precise' are used somewhat redundantly, and phrases like 'modest 19%' could be more objective. The lexical range is strong with expressions like 'noticeably decreasing' and 'rose fourfold,' contributing to an overall Band 8.5 response.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The pie charts illustrate the allocation of time among working adults across six different activities during two distinct periods: 1958 and 2008, a fifty-year span.
Overall, the data reveals significant shifts in how working adults distribute their time. Paid employment and sleep consistently ranked as the two most time-consuming activities across both years, though their proportions changed notably. Conversely, leisure time devoted to socialising declined substantially, whilst commuting witnessed a dramatic increase.
Examining the specific trends, paid work expanded considerably from 33 percent to 42 percent, representing a nine-percentage-point increase. Sleep time, conversely, contracted from 32 percent to 25 percent, indicating a seven-percentage-point reduction. This inverse relationship suggests that increased working hours came at the expense of sleep.
Home relaxation showed a modest upward trajectory, increasing from eight percent to thirteen percent. By contrast, going out for social activities experienced a pronounced decline, dropping from 19 percent to merely six percent—a thirteen-percentage-point decrease. The most striking transformation occurred in commuting, which quadrupled from two percent to eight percent, reflecting either increased distances to workplaces or greater time spent in transit.
In summary, the five-decade period witnessed a fundamental restructuring of working adults' time allocation, characterised by heightened work commitments, reduced socialising opportunities, and substantially increased commuting pressures.
Get instant feedback on your own essay
Our AI evaluator scores your IELTS writing in seconds — with detailed corrections just like above.
Try It Free