IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド6.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
提出されたエッセイ
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The graph bellow illustrates the amount of travellers who travelled between 1987 to 2007 to three different locations (the coast, the mountains, the lakes) in a particular European country, we can see that over all the coast and the lakes had more visitors than the mountains.
The number of the coast visitors reached 40 thousands in 1987 then it declined to its lowest in 1992 by almost 35 thousand visitors and then it went up gradually to 75 thousand travelers in 2007.
While the lake visitors started from 10 thousand in 1987 and continued rising until it reached its peak in 2002 by over 70 thousand travelers, then it witnessed a severe fall and went down to 50 thousand visitors by the year 2007.
Unlike the lake and the coast which had their ups and downs, the mountain areas had a slowly steady raise of number of visitors which started by 20 thousand visitor in 1987 and reached to almost 35 thousand visitors in 2007.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6.5
一貫性と結束性
6.5
語彙力
6
文法の幅と正確性
6
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイは3つの地域の主な傾向を効果的に要約し、具体的な数値比較を提供しており、堅実なタスク対応を示しています。全体的な構造は論理的で段落構成が明確です。しかし、スコアに影響する技術的な問題がいくつかあります。最初の文でスペルエラー'bellow'の代わりに'below'が現れています。'number...reached'や'the amount...had'など、主語と動詞の一致エラーが全体に現れています。'by thousand'は'thousand'であるべきで、'started by'は'started with'であるべきです。エッセイは主な特徴をカバーしていますが、思想間のより洗練された転移と多様な文構造はコヒーシオンとコヒーシオンを強化するでしょう。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
The graph illustrates visitor distribution across three European regions over two decades, revealing distinct patterns of tourism engagement from 1987 to 2007.
The coastal region dominated visitor numbers throughout the entire period, commencing at 40,000 visitors in 1987, declining slightly to 35,000 by 1992, then experiencing consistent growth to approximately 75,000 by 2007. This trajectory demonstrates the coast's sustained appeal as a premier tourist destination.
Lake visitor patterns exhibited greater volatility. Beginning at 10,000 visitors in 1987, numbers rose gradually until reaching a peak exceeding 70,000 in 2002. However, this region subsequently experienced a sharp contraction, falling to 50,000 by 2007, suggesting potential shifts in travel preferences or external factors affecting accessibility.
The mountainous region demonstrated the most predictable growth pattern among the three locations. Starting with 20,000 visitors in 1987, visitor numbers increased steadily and incrementally, reaching approximately 35,000 by 2007. This consistent, moderate growth trajectory contrasts markedly with the volatility observed in the lake region.
In synthesis, while the coast consistently attracted the highest visitor volumes throughout the period, the lakes demonstrated fluctuating demand, and the mountains sustained steady, albeit modest, growth. These patterns suggest differential seasonal appeal and varying factors influencing tourist destination selection among Europe's diverse regions.
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