IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
Original Submission
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The graph bellow illustrates the amount of travellers who travelled between 1987 to 2007 to three different locations (the coast, the mountains, the lakes) in a particular European country, we can see that over all the coast and the lakes had more visitors than the mountains.
The number of the coast visitors reached 40 thousands in 1987 then it declined to its lowest in 1992 by almost 35 thousand visitors and then it went up gradually to 75 thousand travelers in 2007.
While the lake visitors started from 10 thousand in 1987 and continued rising until it reached its peak in 2002 by over 70 thousand travelers, then it witnessed a severe fall and went down to 50 thousand visitors by the year 2007.
Unlike the lake and the coast which had their ups and downs, the mountain areas had a slowly steady raise of number of visitors which started by 20 thousand visitor in 1987 and reached to almost 35 thousand visitors in 2007.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay effectively summarizes the key trends across the three regions and provides specific numerical comparisons, demonstrating solid task response. The overall structure is logical with clear paragraph organization. However, there are several technical issues that impact the score. The spelling error 'bellow' instead of 'below' occurs in the first sentence. Subject-verb agreement errors appear throughout, such as 'number...reached' and 'the amount...had.' The phrase 'by thousand' should be 'thousand,' and 'started by' should be 'started with.' While the essay covers the main features, more sophisticated transitions between ideas and varied sentence structures would enhance coherence and cohesion. Lexical range is adequate but would benefit from more precise academic terms.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The graph illustrates visitor distribution across three European regions over two decades, revealing distinct patterns of tourism engagement from 1987 to 2007.
The coastal region dominated visitor numbers throughout the entire period, commencing at 40,000 visitors in 1987, declining slightly to 35,000 by 1992, then experiencing consistent growth to approximately 75,000 by 2007. This trajectory demonstrates the coast's sustained appeal as a premier tourist destination.
Lake visitor patterns exhibited greater volatility. Beginning at 10,000 visitors in 1987, numbers rose gradually until reaching a peak exceeding 70,000 in 2002. However, this region subsequently experienced a sharp contraction, falling to 50,000 by 2007, suggesting potential shifts in travel preferences or external factors affecting accessibility.
The mountainous region demonstrated the most predictable growth pattern among the three locations. Starting with 20,000 visitors in 1987, visitor numbers increased steadily and incrementally, reaching approximately 35,000 by 2007. This consistent, moderate growth trajectory contrasts markedly with the volatility observed in the lake region.
In synthesis, while the coast consistently attracted the highest visitor volumes throughout the period, the lakes demonstrated fluctuating demand, and the mountains sustained steady, albeit modest, growth. These patterns suggest differential seasonal appeal and varying factors influencing tourist destination selection among Europe's diverse regions.
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