IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド5.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant."
提出されたエッセイ
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Between 1995 and 2010, a study was conducted representing the percentages of people born in Australia, versus people born outside Australia, living in urban, rural, and town. First, in 1995, cities represented the major percentage of habitat by roughly 50 percent, followed by rural areas and towns came in last, among people born in Australia. On the other hand, people born outside Australia, cities showed the most percentages of 6o percent, followed by rural areas and towns. In 2010, among people born in Australia, cities had an increase more than 20 percent increase in the total representation and a major decrease in towns and rural areas. Conversely, people born outside Australia, cities had the most percentage among both studies, followed by rural areas and towns.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6
一貫性と結束性
5
語彙力
5.5
文法の幅と正確性
5.5
試験官フィードバック
この回答は棒グラフの主な特徴を説明しようとしていますが、重大な弱点があります。タスク1に不可欠な概要文がなく、全体的な傾向が示されていません。「habitat」の誤用や「6o」のタイプミスなど、語彙が限られ不正確です。文構造が繰り返し的で、具体的なデータの比較が不足しています。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
The bar chart compares the residential distribution of people born in Australia with those born overseas across three area types — urban, rural, and town — in 1995 and 2010.
Overall, urban areas were the most popular place of residence for both groups throughout the period, and this dominance became even more pronounced by 2010. Meanwhile, the proportions living in rural and town areas generally declined.
In 1995, approximately 50% of Australian-born residents lived in cities, while around 30% resided in rural areas and the remaining 20% in towns. Among those born outside Australia, the preference for urban living was even stronger, at roughly 60%, with rural areas accounting for about 30% and towns just 10%.
By 2010, the share of Australian-born people living in cities had risen sharply to over 70%, representing an increase of more than 20 percentage points. Correspondingly, the proportions in both rural and town areas fell considerably. For overseas-born residents, urban concentration reached approximately 80%, reinforcing the trend toward urbanisation. Rural areas saw a marked decline to around 5%, while the proportion in towns remained at approximately 10%. In both groups, therefore, the data reflects a clear and sustained shift from rural and town living toward urban residence over the 15-year period.
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