IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 5.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant."
Original Submission
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Between 1995 and 2010, a study was conducted representing the percentages of people born in Australia, versus people born outside Australia, living in urban, rural, and town. First, in 1995, cities represented the major percentage of habitat by roughly 50 percent, followed by rural areas and towns came in last, among people born in Australia. On the other hand, people born outside Australia, cities showed the most percentages of 6o percent, followed by rural areas and towns. In 2010, among people born in Australia, cities had an increase more than 20 percent increase in the total representation and a major decrease in towns and rural areas. Conversely, people born outside Australia, cities had the most percentage among both studies, followed by rural areas and towns.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6
Coherence & Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
5.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
5.5
Examiner Feedback
This response attempts to cover the main features of the bar chart but has significant weaknesses. There is no overview statement summarising the key trends, which is essential for a strong Task 1 response. The vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate, such as the misuse of 'habitat' and the typographical error '6o.' Sentence structures are repetitive, with each point following the same formula, and the report lacks specific data comparisons between the two groups and time periods.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The bar chart compares the residential distribution of people born in Australia with those born overseas across three area types — urban, rural, and town — in 1995 and 2010.
Overall, urban areas were the most popular place of residence for both groups throughout the period, and this dominance became even more pronounced by 2010. Meanwhile, the proportions living in rural and town areas generally declined.
In 1995, approximately 50% of Australian-born residents lived in cities, while around 30% resided in rural areas and the remaining 20% in towns. Among those born outside Australia, the preference for urban living was even stronger, at roughly 60%, with rural areas accounting for about 30% and towns just 10%.
By 2010, the share of Australian-born people living in cities had risen sharply to over 70%, representing an increase of more than 20 percentage points. Correspondingly, the proportions in both rural and town areas fell considerably. For overseas-born residents, urban concentration reached approximately 80%, reinforcing the trend toward urbanisation. Rural areas saw a marked decline to around 5%, while the proportion in towns remained at approximately 10%. In both groups, therefore, the data reflects a clear and sustained shift from rural and town living toward urban residence over the 15-year period.
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