IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド8 エッセイサンプル — 環境
エッセイ問題
"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."
Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town
| Stage | Step | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Collection | Rainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains |
| 2 | Filtration | Water passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles |
| 3 | Storage | Filtered water is stored in a large underground storage tank |
| 4 | Chemical Treatment | Water is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it |
| 5 | Distribution | Fully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system |
提出されたエッセイ
ハイライトされたテキストをクリックして提案を表示
Information is presented in a diagram which depicts the main steps of rainwater treatment with the aim to produce drinking water in a particular town in Australia. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the process involves a number of complex stages starting from collecting rainwater, purification until getting the water as a final product. At the beginning of the process, rainwater is drained from a roof through a tube which is attached to each house. Then the water flow through the tube to a three-layer water filter which is the first step of water purification. After that, the filtered water is kept in a storage tank which is connected to a water treatment tank. As the water in the storage flows into the water treatment tank, it is mixed with chemicals, making this step as the final part of the process. Once the water is mixed, it flows from the water treatment tank to each house and is ready for drinking.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
8.5
一貫性と結束性
8
語彙力
8
文法の幅と正確性
7.5
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイはプロセスのすべての主要な段階を論理的な順序でカバーしており、語彙と文構造の幅の広さを示しています。ただし、冒頭文は不必要に冗長で受動態で構成されており、導入部のインパクトを弱めています。概要では動名詞と名詞句が混在しており、並列構造が欠けています。主語と動詞の不一致(「the water flow」)や図に示されていない詳細(「a three-layer water filter」)も正確さを低下させています。「making this step as the final part of the process」という表現にも文法的な誤りがあります。これらの問題を修正することで、エッセイは大幅に改善されるでしょう。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答:
The diagram presents the step-by-step process by which rainwater is collected and treated to produce potable drinking water for residents of a town in Australia. Overall, the process follows a clear linear sequence comprising five stages: rooftop collection, filtration, underground storage, chemical treatment, and household distribution. The process begins when rainfall is captured from residential rooftops and channelled through gutters and underground pipes into a water filtration unit. This filtration stage removes physical impurities—such as leaves, sediment, and particulate matter—that accumulate as the water travels from the roof to the filter, thereby completing the first round of purification. The cleaned water then flows into a large underground storage tank, where it is held before being transferred to an adjacent treatment tank. In this critical stage, precisely measured chemical agents are introduced to eliminate any remaining bacteria and contaminants, ensuring the water meets the safety standards required for human consumption. Once the chemical treatment is complete, the fully purified drinking water is pumped through a dedicated pipeline and delivered to each house, ready for use.
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