IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 8 Essay Sample on the Environment
Essay Question
"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."
Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town
| Stage | Step | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Collection | Rainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains |
| 2 | Filtration | Water passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles |
| 3 | Storage | Filtered water is stored in a large underground storage tank |
| 4 | Chemical Treatment | Water is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it |
| 5 | Distribution | Fully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system |
Original Submission
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Information is presented in a diagram which depicts the main steps of rainwater treatment with the aim to produce drinking water in a particular town in Australia. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the process involves a number of complex stages starting from collecting rainwater, purification until getting the water as a final product. At the beginning of the process, rainwater is drained from a roof through a tube which is attached to each house. Then the water flow through the tube to a three-layer water filter which is the first step of water purification. After that, the filtered water is kept in a storage tank which is connected to a water treatment tank. As the water in the storage flows into the water treatment tank, it is mixed with chemicals, making this step as the final part of the process. Once the water is mixed, it flows from the water treatment tank to each house and is ready for drinking.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
8.5
Coherence & Cohesion
8
Lexical Resource
8
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
7.5
Examiner Feedback
This is a competent essay that covers all the main stages of the process in a logical order and demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures. The opening sentence, however, is unnecessarily wordy and constructed in the passive voice, which weakens the impact of the introduction. The overview lacks parallel structure, mixing gerunds and noun phrases. A subject-verb agreement error ('the water flow') and an unsupported detail ('a three-layer water filter') also reduce accuracy. The phrase 'making this step as the final part of the process' contains a grammatical error. Addressing these issues would strengthen the essay considerably.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The diagram presents the step-by-step process by which rainwater is collected and treated to produce potable drinking water for residents of a town in Australia. Overall, the process follows a clear linear sequence comprising five stages: rooftop collection, filtration, underground storage, chemical treatment, and household distribution. The process begins when rainfall is captured from residential rooftops and channelled through gutters and underground pipes into a water filtration unit. This filtration stage removes physical impurities—such as leaves, sediment, and particulate matter—that accumulate as the water travels from the roof to the filter, thereby completing the first round of purification. The cleaned water then flows into a large underground storage tank, where it is held before being transferred to an adjacent treatment tank. In this critical stage, precisely measured chemical agents are introduced to eliminate any remaining bacteria and contaminants, ensuring the water meets the safety standards required for human consumption. Once the chemical treatment is complete, the fully purified drinking water is pumped through a dedicated pipeline and delivered to each house, ready for use.
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