IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 5.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion."
Original Submission
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Athletes to be on the top need to have high-end facilities that a country can provide for them to be able to improve their strengths and skills. Some government opted to build facilities exclusively for training athletes for international sports goals, instead of building establishments for everyone to have the liberty of using the sports facilities. From my perspective, this phenomena is a negative development.
Being able to discover an individual's potential, they need to have a support from any form of sources. Establishing sports facilities can help people to discover their own interests, talents and even skills in learning new things. Centers which offer utilities, equipments and state-of-the-art tools that provide learning sports can be a great advantage to people who want to train themselves on the things that can awaken their interests when it comes to sports.
In addition, building these kind of establishments, not only for the purpose to train top athletes, but also for people to immerse themselves to different variaties of activities can help them socialize more with their peers. This is extremely beneficial that aside from doing sports that they are into, they get to play along with peers, discover one's potential and also learning from one another. Furthermore, these individuals can also have the future to be one of top athletes that a country can have.
In conclusion, although there are countries that chose to have their sports establishments exclusively for training top athletes, I assert that these that actions can be lead to negative feedbacks. Government should allow everyone the privilege to use and avail facilities that can hone an individual's talents, skills and dexterity when it comes to sports and this can also be immensely benefical for both country and citizen alike.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
5.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
5
Examiner Feedback
This essay presents a clear position on a two-sided issue and develops supporting arguments with relevant examples. The writer successfully identifies reasons for providing public sports facilities. However, there are numerous grammatical and lexical errors that weaken the response. Phrases like 'Athletes to be on the top' and 'this phenomena' contain errors that impact grammatical accuracy. The word 'variaties' is misspelled, and awkward constructions such as 'building these kind' demonstrate subject-verb agreement issues. Additionally, expressions like 'these that actions can be lead to' are confusing and grammatically incorrect. The essay would benefit from proofreading and more careful attention to sentence construction, as these errors significantly affect overall band score.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The debate surrounding whether governments should invest in elite training facilities or public recreational sports infrastructure presents a meaningful challenge for policymakers. While elite athlete development has merit, I contend that prioritizing multipurpose facilities benefiting the broader population represents a superior policy approach.
Proponents of specialized elite training facilities argue that such investment cultivates world-class athletes capable of securing international accolades for their nations. High-performance centers with specialized equipment and expert coaching can accelerate athlete development. However, this perspective overlooks the substantial societal benefits of democratized sports access.
Public sports facilities generate transformative social outcomes. First, they enable talent identification across diverse populations, expanding the potential talent pool beyond affluent demographics. Second, widespread access promotes health and fitness, reducing public healthcare burdens. Third, and perhaps most importantly, community sports facilities strengthen social cohesion by facilitating intergenerational interaction and building shared civic spaces.
Moreover, these facilities need not be mutually exclusive. Nations can designate specialized training hubs within broader public infrastructure, thereby serving both elite development and community engagement simultaneously.
In conclusion, while elite athlete preparation warrants investment, governments should prioritize inclusive public sports infrastructure. Such an approach simultaneously nurtures extraordinary athletic talent while cultivating healthier, more cohesive communities—an outcome far more beneficial to society than elite-focused spending alone.
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