IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 6 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
Original Submission
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The pie graphs illustrate the amount of time spent by a working class on six different activities (working, relaxing at home, sleeping, travel to work, going out, and others interests) in a country in the year 1958 and 2008. Overall, the percentage of time spent on all activities had increased in 50 years but going out with friends and sleeping shows a decrease in 2008 as compare to 1958. In 1958, people spent one-third of the time working, which increased in 2008 by 9% and it remained the top priority among working adults. However, people spent the least time on travelling to work in 1958, which was 2% though by 2008 people started spending 8% of their time commuting to work. It is evident from both the graphs that people spent almost one-fifth of the time with their family and friends in 1958 which was the third most time-consuming activity. On the contrary, in 2008, this activity became the least preferred activity with only 6% of the time. People also deprived of their sleep in 2008 as it decreased from 32% to 25%.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6
Coherence & Cohesion
6
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This response covers the main data points from both pie charts and attempts to compare the two periods. The overview identifies key trends, though it contains a grammatical error ('as compare to'). Body paragraphs present relevant figures, but some language is formulaic ('It is evident from both the graphs') and there are grammatical mistakes like 'People also deprived of their sleep' (missing auxiliary verb). The term 'working class' is used incorrectly — it refers to a socioeconomic group, not simply adults who work. Vocabulary is adequate but limited, and the response lacks the precision and range expected for higher bands.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The two pie charts compare how working adults in a particular country allocated their time across six activities in 1958 and 2008, spanning a fifty-year gap.
Across the half-century, the balance of daily life shifted substantially toward longer working hours, while social and rest time contracted. Working and sleeping remained the two dominant activities in both years, though their relative shares moved in opposite directions.
In 1958, work accounted for a third of adults' time, and by 2008 this had climbed to 42%, making it the single largest category by a wide margin. Sleep, the second-largest slice in both years, fell from 32% to 25% — a loss of seven percentage points. Commuting time quadrupled over the same period, jumping from just 2% to 8%, which may partly explain why work-related time consumption grew so sharply.
On the leisure side, going out with friends and family was cut by more than two-thirds, dropping from 19% to only 6%. Home relaxation moved in the opposite direction, rising from 8% to 13%, suggesting that when adults did have free time, they increasingly chose to stay in rather than socialise. Other interests and sports edged up modestly from 6% to 8%.
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