IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
Original Submission
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The graph below illustrates the amount of overseas visitors to three different places ( the coast, the mountains, the lakes ) in a European country between the period 1987 to 2007. The unit used in the graph is thousands.
Overall, the lakes had the lowest amount of visitors in the graph in 1987 by 10 thousand visitors in oppose the coast had the most number of visitors in the graph in 2007 by slightly over 70 thousand visitors. The mountains had the lowest amount of visitors in all the times visitors combined while the coast and the lakes were really close to each other in the overall amount of vistors nearly the same amount of visitors.
In the period from 1987 to 1992 The coast had the highest number of visitors by approximately 40 thousand visitors while the lakes had the lowest number of visitors by nearly 10 thousand visitors and the mountains were the middle between them by slightly over 20 thousand visitors.
In the period from 1992 to 1997 the coast also was the highest number of visitors by around 40 thousand visitors in meantime the lakes was lower than the mountains it was above 15 by littile and the mountains were above 25 but the lakes suprisingly rocketed and achived the mountains even went more by 30 thousand approximately.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6.5
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay demonstrates adequate understanding of the data and attempts to compare visitor numbers across the three regions. The writer identifies main trends and provides numerical specifics. However, several technical issues affect the quality. Punctuation and spacing errors appear frequently, such as 'places ( the coast' with incorrect spacing and 'between the period 1987 to', which should be 'between 1987 and.' Spelling errors include 'vistors' (visitors), 'littile' (little), 'suprisingly' (surprisingly), and 'achived' (achieved). The phrase 'in oppose the coast' should be 'in contrast, the coast.' Some sentences become unclear due to awkward construction, such as 'the lakes were...nearly the same amount of visitors.' The use of 'in meantime' instead of 'meanwhile' and inconsistent verb forms ('was' vs. 'were') create grammatical issues. Despite these errors, the essay structure supports comprehension of the described trends.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The graph presents a comparative analysis of visitor distribution across three European regions spanning two decades, from 1987 through 2007, measured in thousands of visitors.
Costal regions demonstrated consistent dominance throughout the entire period, commencing with approximately 40,000 visitors in 1987 and fluctuating modestly before reaching approximately 75,000 by 2007. This trajectory underscores the coast's enduring appeal as a premier tourist destination.
Lake regions exhibited the most pronounced volatility. Beginning at approximately 10,000 visitors in 1987, visitor numbers escalated gradually, peaking at over 70,000 in 2002, before experiencing a sharp contraction to 50,000 by 2007. This pattern suggests significant temporal variability in destination preference or accessibility.
Mountainous regions demonstrated the most consistent growth trajectory. Starting at 20,000 visitors in 1987, numbers increased steadily to approximately 35,000 by 2007, representing stable but modest expansion over the two decades.
Comparatively, the coast consistently attracted the largest visitor population, maintaining its market position despite minor fluctuations. Lakes exhibited greater volatility, initially surpassing mountains before experiencing substantial decline. Mountains maintained intermediate visitor levels with predictable growth patterns.
In synthesis, regional tourism patterns reveal distinct preferences: coastal regions sustained the strongest attraction, while mountain and lake destinations demonstrated contrasting market dynamics, with mountains showing stability and lakes exhibiting significant volatility in visitor demand over the twenty-year period.
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