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IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 8 Essay Sample on the Environment

Task 1 Band 8 the Environment

Essay Question

Type: Other

"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."

Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town

StageStepDescription
1CollectionRainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains
2FiltrationWater passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles
3StorageFiltered water is stored in a large underground storage tank
4Chemical TreatmentWater is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it
5DistributionFully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system

Original Submission

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The provided picture illustrates how rain water is reclyced, processed and turned into drinking water in an Australian town. Overall, information given from the diagram below depicts rain water is collected from the roof of the houses and then it passes through many different steps, each with its specific function, before turning back as drinking water into houses. In particular, when it rains on steep roofs, water pours down on one side and it is therefore collected by a drain, which leads to a large underground pipe, connecting all houses. Water is then sent to a water filter, which roughly purify water from dust, pebbles and other bigger particles. Subsequently, water is collected into a giant underground storage, waiting to be sent into the water treatment tank. In there, chemicals are added into the water to make it potable. Finally, drinking water is sent back to houses through a piping system.

Nomad English Assessment

Overall Band Score 8

Task Response

8.5

Coherence & Cohesion

8

Lexical Resource

7.5

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

8

Examiner Feedback

This essay demonstrates a strong command of English with a clear overview and logical progression through the stages of the rainwater treatment process. The candidate employs a commendable range of vocabulary and uses mostly complex sentence structures effectively. However, there is a spelling error ('reclyced') in the opening sentence, a subject-verb agreement error ('roughly purify' instead of 'roughly purifies'), and the phrase 'In there' is informal and imprecise. The overview sentence is also slightly redundant and awkwardly constructed. These minor issues prevent the essay from reaching Band 9, but the overall quality is commendably high.

Band 9 Model Rewrite

Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:

The diagram illustrates the process by which rainwater is collected from residential rooftops and systematically purified to produce safe drinking water for an Australian town. Overall, the treatment process follows five clearly defined sequential stages, commencing with the surface collection of rainwater and concluding with the distribution of fully treated water back to individual households. Initially, rainfall is captured from sloped rooftops and channelled into gutters, which direct the water into an underground drainage network connecting all houses in the area. This water is then passed through a multi-layer water filter, which effectively removes larger impurities such as dust, sediment, and particulate matter, completing the primary purification phase. The filtered water is subsequently held in a large underground storage tank, where it accumulates before being transferred to an adjacent water treatment tank. Within this tank, chemical agents are carefully introduced to eliminate residual contaminants and harmful microorganisms, ensuring the water meets the standard required for safe human consumption. Once fully treated, the potable water is distributed to each household through a dedicated underground pipeline, completing the purification process.

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