IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 8.5 Essay Sample on the Environment
Essay Question
"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."
Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town
| Stage | Step | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Collection | Rainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains |
| 2 | Filtration | Water passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles |
| 3 | Storage | Filtered water is stored in a large underground storage tank |
| 4 | Chemical Treatment | Water is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it |
| 5 | Distribution | Fully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system |
Original Submission
Click highlighted text to view suggestions
The graph illustrates the process of transforming rainwater into drinking water in a city in Australia. Overall, it can be clearly seen that rainwater undergoes five sequential steps to become domestic tap water, ready to be used in the house. Firstly, roof drainage is installed for the collection of rainwater. When it rains, the water moves along the roof drainage, and pipes lead into the water filter. Next, the water filter removes basic pollutants, such as leaves and sediments, and begins the first step of water purification. After that, the water flows into a large square water storage tank and then inflows to the next tank for treatment. When enough rainwater enters the treatment tank, chemical substances are injected through a small device on top of the tank to sterilize and ensure the safety of water quality. Once the water is fully purified, it is pumped into the house as a source of drinking water.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
8.5
Coherence & Cohesion
8.5
Lexical Resource
8.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
8.5
Examiner Feedback
This is a highly accomplished response that demonstrates excellent control of language, a well-organised structure, and a thorough description of every stage in the process. Vocabulary is sophisticated and varied, and complex grammatical structures are used accurately throughout. The essay would benefit from a small number of refinements: the diagram is incorrectly referred to as 'a graph', the location is described as 'a city' when the question specifies 'a town', and 'inflows to the next tank' is a non-standard verb usage. The phrase 'sterilize and ensure the safety of water quality' is also slightly redundant. These are minor issues in an otherwise exemplary piece of writing.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The diagram illustrates the five-stage process through which rainwater is collected and purified to supply drinking water to households in an Australian town. Overall, the process moves in a clear linear sequence, beginning with the collection of rainwater from rooftops and ending with the delivery of treated, potable water to each home. In the opening stage, roof drainage systems are installed to capture falling rainwater, which is then guided along channels and into pipes that lead directly to a water filtration unit. Here, physical contaminants such as leaves, sediment, and larger particles are effectively removed, marking the completion of primary filtration. The filtered water subsequently flows into a large storage tank, where it is held temporarily before being transferred to a separate treatment tank. In this final purification stage, precisely measured chemical substances are introduced into the tank to eliminate bacteria, pathogens, and any remaining impurities, ensuring the water is safe for human consumption. Once the chemical treatment is complete, the fully purified drinking water is pumped from the treatment tank and distributed to every household through a network of underground pipes.
Get instant feedback on your own essay
Our AI evaluator scores your IELTS writing in seconds — with detailed corrections just like above.
Try It Free