IELTS Writing Task 2: Bài mẫu Band 7.5 về Giáo dục
Đề bài
"The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
Bài viết gốc
Nhấp vào văn bản được đánh dấu để xem gợi ý
The ability to associate at school has been a great concern. Owing to this, some assume that the optimal way to boost children's collaborative spirit is through school team sports. In my opinion, teaming up in school sports would be problematic, and therefore, should be implemented in certain occasions, with certain individuals.
Initially, participating in team sports would put a tremendous risk in injuries. Inevitably, physical group activities require high-speed movements, resulting in harsh collisions. Students then may lose their interest in those activities, or hesitate to attend in order to avoid any kind of damage to their body.
Another point to consider is that joining team sports can effortlessly breed serious competition among teammates. Therefore, at that time, the objective of cultivating cooperation would be replaced by the desire for accolades in children's mind. This consequently spells trouble for the hostile environment as the feeling of inadequacy and low sellf-esteem in students are growing.
Finally, the best solution would be offering team sports as an optional project for students. To illustrate, a school football match can open more opportunities for those into soccer and accept to play in unity. In this case, participants may have a chance to immerse themselves in a joint effort after being thoroughly disseminated about the rules. As a result, they are still able to enjoy the game while working in a joint project.
In conclusion, boosting children association by teamsports may not be feasible for all of them, but operating more joint projects for those with passion and fair play is a much better approach.
Đánh giá từ Nomad English
Trả lời đề bài
8
Tính liên kết và mạch lạc
7.5
Vốn từ vựng
7.5
Ngữ pháp và độ chính xác
7
Nhận xét từ giám khảo
Bài luận này trình bày một lập luận tinh tế với cấu trúc rõ ràng và phát triển đoạn văn tốt. Người viết có quan điểm cân bằng, thừa nhận cả nhược điểm và giải pháp tiềm năng. Tuy nhiên, một số lựa chọn từ không chính xác hoặc lủng củng, và có một số lỗi ngữ pháp ảnh hưởng đến sự rõ ràng. Các ý tưởng có liên quan và được hỗ trợ tốt, mặc dù một số cách diễn đạt có thể tự nhiên hơn.
Bài viết mẫu Band 9
Đây là cách một bài viết Band 9 trả lời cùng một câu hỏi:
The development of children's cooperative abilities within educational settings has become a matter of significant concern in contemporary society. While some advocate that team sports represent the optimal approach to fostering collaborative skills, I contend that this method, though potentially beneficial, should be implemented selectively and supplemented with alternative approaches.
One primary consideration is the inherent physical risk associated with team sports participation. Contact sports and high-intensity group activities inevitably involve rapid movements and potential collisions, which may result in injuries. Students who experience or fear such incidents may develop reluctance to participate, thereby undermining the very collaborative experiences these activities are designed to provide.
Furthermore, the competitive nature of team sports can paradoxically undermine cooperative objectives. The pursuit of victory and individual recognition may overshadow the importance of teamwork, fostering an environment where competition supersedes collaboration. This can generate feelings of inadequacy among less athletically gifted students and diminish self-esteem, creating precisely the hostile atmosphere that cooperative education seeks to prevent.
A more judicious approach would involve offering team sports as optional activities for genuinely interested students. School football programmes, for instance, could cater specifically to those with authentic passion for the sport who willingly embrace the principles of fair play and unity. When participants are properly briefed on rules and expectations, they can fully immerse themselves in collaborative experiences while genuinely enjoying the activity.
In conclusion, while team sports possess potential for developing cooperation, mandatory participation may prove counterproductive for many students. A more effective strategy involves creating voluntary collaborative projects that accommodate diverse interests and abilities, ensuring that the spirit of cooperation flourishes without the drawbacks of compulsory athletic participation.
Nhận phản hồi ngay cho bài viết của bạn
Hệ thống AI của chúng tôi chấm bài IELTS trong vài giây — với chỉnh sửa chi tiết như trên.
Dùng thử miễn phí