IELTSライティング Task 2: バンド6.5 エッセイサンプル — 環境
エッセイ問題
"Some people believe that climate change is the most pressing issue facing the world today, while others think there are more important problems to address. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."
提出されたエッセイ
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Climate change is a really hot topic these days and many people have different opinions about whether it is the most important issue. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and give my own opinion.
On the one hand, many scientists and environmental groups believe that climate change is the biggest threat to humanity. The temperature of the earth is getting hotter and hotter, which causes ice caps to melt, sea levels to rise, and extreme weather events to become more frequent. For example, in recent years we have seen devastating floods, droughts, and wildfires across the globe. If we don't do nothing about this problem, the consequences could be catastrophic for future generations.
On the other hand, some people argue that there is more important problems that need immediate attention. Issues such as poverty, lack of access to healthcare, and armed conflicts affect millions of people right now. They think that governments should focus on these problems first because people are dying today, not in fifty years from climate-related disasters.
In my opinion, while I understand that poverty and healthcare are critical issues, I believe that climate change is the most important thing because it makes all other problems worse. Rising temperatures lead to food shortages, which increases poverty. Extreme weather destroys infrastructure, making healthcare harder to deliver. So basically, addressing climate change is essential to solving other global challenges.
In conclusion, although both sides have valid points, I strongly believe that climate change should be the top priority for governments worldwide because it effects everything else.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7
一貫性と結束性
6
語彙力
7
文法の幅と正確性
6
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイはディスカッション形式のしっかりとした理解を示しており、議論の両面を取り上げています。筆者は結論で明確な立場を示しています。しかし、改善すべき点がいくつかあります。言葉遣いがアカデミックライティングには不適切なほどカジュアルです（例：「a really hot topic」「So basically」）。二重否定（「don't do nothing」）や主語と動詞の一致の問題（「there is more important problems」）などの文法的な誤りがあります。より洗練された語彙とより発展した例が求められます。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
Climate change is arguably the most critical challenge confronting humanity in the twenty-first century, yet opinions remain divided on whether it should take precedence over other global issues. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting a reasoned conclusion.
Those who regard climate change as the paramount global concern point to the overwhelming scientific consensus that rising greenhouse gas emissions are causing irreversible damage to the planet. Global temperatures have increased at an alarming rate, leading to the accelerated melting of polar ice caps, rising sea levels, and an escalation in the frequency and severity of extreme weather events. The devastating wildfires in Australia, unprecedented flooding in South Asia, and prolonged droughts across sub-Saharan Africa in recent years serve as stark reminders of the consequences of inaction. If the international community fails to implement meaningful mitigation strategies, the resulting environmental degradation could render large swathes of the planet uninhabitable.
Conversely, others contend that more immediate humanitarian crises warrant greater attention and resources. Approximately 700 million people worldwide live in extreme poverty, while millions lack access to basic healthcare, clean water, and education. Furthermore, armed conflicts continue to displace populations and destabilise entire regions. Proponents of this view argue that governmental resources should be directed toward alleviating these pressing concerns, as they claim lives on a daily basis rather than posing a distant threat.
In my considered opinion, while the urgency of poverty and conflict cannot be understated, climate change represents an existential threat that amplifies all other global challenges. Environmental degradation drives food insecurity, which deepens poverty. Extreme weather events destroy critical infrastructure, undermining healthcare delivery systems. Rising sea levels threaten to displace hundreds of millions of people, creating unprecedented humanitarian crises. Therefore, addressing climate change is not merely an environmental imperative but a prerequisite for solving the interconnected challenges that define our era.
In conclusion, although competing global issues demand attention, climate change should be the foremost priority for governments and international organisations, as its far-reaching ramifications extend to virtually every dimension of human wellbeing.
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