IELTSライティング Task 2: バンド5.5 エッセイサンプル — 教育
エッセイ問題
"Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?"
提出されたエッセイ
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Recently, more and more students choose to study finance, management or other subjects instead of science in university around the world. There are many reasons contribute to this phenomenon and this would definetely impose negative influences on our society. In terms of the factors, the reason is mainly due to the job market. Firstly, we have to admit that the number of science job vacancies in the market is significantly lower than the other occupations, like the nurse, the accountant, the lawyer and so on. Besides this, the science is comparatively difficult than the other subjects. If you want to be a qualified scientist, you are more likely to spend more time on learning and researching, maybe three years more than the other subjects. So, very naturally, few people would like to take the risk of learning science. However, science does play an extremely important role in our society. If not enough people study science, it may impede the development of the country. Science represents the future of our nation because it could help to improve the development of technology and then make new technologies into pratical products. A good example can be seen in the United States, which has experienced a huge development in science during the past decades and has created a lot of advanced products, such as the Microsoft and Artificial intelligence, which has bring great benefits to this country in return and make it become the most powerful nation in the world. In contrast, if very few people learning science, the nation may remain at a standstill and lose its competitiveness. In conclusion, although few people want to study science, the government should take efficient measures to encourage the public to study this subject to help our society improving continuously in the long future.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6
一貫性と結束性
5.5
語彙力
5
文法の幅と正確性
5.5
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイは両方の設問に対応していますが、展開が不均等です。原因の段落は就職市場のみに焦点を当て、他の重要な要因を見落としています。影響の段落は単一の長い例（アメリカ）に大きく依存しており、事実の不正確さがあります—Microsoftは企業であり、科学的製品ではありません。結束性は基本的で、単純な接続語（「firstly」「besides this」「however」）と不自然なつなぎがあります。語彙はある程度の幅を試みていますが、スペルミス（「definetely」「pratical」）や冠詞の誤用（「the science」「the Microsoft」）が含まれます。文法には動詞の形（「has bring」「make it become」）、関係節、並列構造に繰り返しの誤りがあります。結論は短く、効果的な要約ができていません。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
Across much of the world, university students are gravitating away from physics, biology, and chemistry toward disciplines they consider more immediately employable. Two forces drive this shift, and both carry serious implications for how societies function. The job market sends a clear signal. Graduates in finance, software engineering, or healthcare administration can typically secure salaried positions within months of completing their degrees. Science graduates, by contrast, often face a choice between underpaid postdoctoral research and pivoting into an unrelated industry. The path to becoming a working scientist is also unusually long: a doctorate followed by years of temporary contracts means that many talented students simply cannot afford the wait. When tuition fees are high and student debt is real, choosing a subject with uncertain financial returns feels less like following a passion and more like a gamble. The consequences of this exodus ripple outward in ways that are easy to underestimate. Pharmaceutical research depends on chemists and biologists; without them, drug development slows and healthcare costs climb. Agricultural science—crucial for feeding growing populations under changing climate conditions—loses the next generation of researchers before they ever enter a laboratory. National defence, energy infrastructure, and even public policy all rest on a foundation of scientific expertise. A country that stops producing scientists does not simply fall behind in rankings; it gradually loses the capacity to solve its own problems. Reversing this trend requires structural change, not slogans. Universities could redesign science programmes to include professional placements and entrepreneurship modules, making the career pathway more transparent. Governments, meanwhile, should fund postgraduate science scholarships generously enough that financial anxiety stops being the deciding factor in a student's choice of major. When the economic incentives align with intellectual curiosity, the lecture theatres will fill again.
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