IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド7 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
提出されたエッセイ
ハイライトされたテキストをクリックして提案を表示
The pie charts indicate how the proportion of time changes in spending on different activities from working adults in a country in the years 1958 and 2008. Overall, while it can be seen that working was the most important event occupied a majority of the percentage of time either 1958 or 2008, the amount of time on sleeping decreased obviously in 2008. First, most of the researched events occupied more time than in the past. Working is one of the events presenting the most serious situation and it took 33% in 1958, increasing to 42% in 2008. Moreover, adult workers in this country were more likely to travel to work, presenting 8% in 2008 from only 2% in 1958. Besides working, citizens tended to relax at home spending 13% of the time on this event, and in which people take 8% of their time in 1958. However, the harder working, the less time was spent in rest. Working adults spent 25% of sleep in 2008, while they spent 32% in 1958. Also, they reduce the time spending in going out with their friends or families, spending only 6% in 1958 from 19% in 1958.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7
一貫性と結束性
7.5
語彙力
7
文法の幅と正確性
6.5
試験官フィードバック
この文章は、データを「増加した活動」と「減少した活動」の二つのグループにまとめ、論理的な枠組みを提供しています。具体的な数値が全体を通して含まれ、概要では労働時間の優勢を特定しています。弱点には不自然な表現（'the most important event occupied a majority of the percentage of time'）、不正確な比較構造（'the harder working, the less time'）、最後の文の事実誤記（一方が'2008'であるべき箇所に'1958'が2回記載）があります。'events'の代わりに'activities'を使用すべきです。これらのエラーにより、バンド7.5には到達できません。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
Working adults in a particular country distributed their time quite differently in 2008 compared to half a century earlier, as two pie charts detailing six activity categories make clear.
The headline change across the fifty-year period was a tilt toward work-dominated schedules. In 1958, working and sleeping each claimed roughly a third of adults' time (33% and 32% respectively), leaving a meaningful portion for socialising and other pursuits. By 2008, working had swelled to 42% while sleep shrank to 25%, opening a seventeen-point gap between the two.
Leisure time was dramatically restructured. Going out — once the third-largest category at 19% — plummeted to just 6%, the smallest share of any activity by 2008. Yet adults did not simply stop relaxing; they shifted where they did it. Home relaxation grew from 8% to 13%, and hobbies or sports edged from 6% to 8%, pointing to a preference for domestic leisure over social outings.
Commuting tells its own story. A fourfold rise from 2% to 8% suggests that by 2008, adults were either living farther from their workplaces or facing longer journey times. Combined with the growth in working hours, work-related activities claimed exactly half of all time by 2008 — up from 35% in 1958.
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