IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド7 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevantYou should write at least 150 words."
提出されたエッセイ
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The pie charts indicate how the proportion of time changes in spending on different activities from working adults in a country in the years 1958 and 2008. Overall, while it can be seen that working was the most important event occupied a majority of the percentage of time either 1958 or 2008, the amount of time on sleeping decreased obviously in 2008. First, most of the researched events occupied more time than in the past. Working is one of the events presenting the most serious situation and it took 33% in 1958, increasing to 42% in 2008. Moreover, adult workers in this country were more likely to travel to work, presenting 8% in 2008 from only 2% in 1958. Besides working, citizens tended to relax at home spending 13% of the time on this event, and in which people take 8% of their time in 1958. However, the harder working, the less time was spent in rest. Working adults spent 25% of sleep in 2008, while they spent 32% in 1958. Also, they reduce the time spending in going out with their friends or families, spending only 6% in 1958 from 19% in 1958.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
7
一貫性と結束性
7
語彙力
7
文法の幅と正確性
7
試験官フィードバック
この回答はデータ記述に対する合理的な能力と明確な段落構成を示しています。筆者は主要な傾向を特定し、具体的な数値を提示しています。しかし、いくつかの不自然な表現（'how the proportion of time changes in spending'、'presenting the most serious situation'）が明確さを減少させています。最後の文で'2008'ではなく'1958'を2回書くという事実誤認があります。比較構造'the harder working, the less time'は文法的に不正確です。これらの問題にもかかわらず、全体的な構造、語彙の幅、データの網羅性はバンド7.0を正当化します。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
A pair of pie charts tracks how working adults in one country divided their time among six activities in 1958 and again in 2008.
Between the two snapshots, four activities expanded their share of adults' time — working, relaxing at home, commuting, and hobbies — while going out and sleeping both shrank. The redistribution was uneven: work grew the most in absolute terms, and socialising contracted the most.
Looking at the categories that gained ground, work rose from 33% to 42%, a nine-point increase that cemented it as by far the dominant activity in 2008. Home relaxation climbed five points from 8% to 13%, commuting jumped from a mere 2% to 8%, and other interests or sports moved up two points to reach 8%.
Two categories contracted. Socialising outside the home fell from 19% to 6%, shedding thirteen percentage points and dropping from the third-largest category to the smallest. Sleep declined from 32% to 25%, a seven-point reduction, yet remained the second-largest use of time in both years. Together, these losses freed up twenty percentage points that were absorbed almost entirely by longer working hours and increased travel to and from the workplace.
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