IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant."
提出されたエッセイ
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The left chart shows the population change happened in Austrilia from 1995 to 2010. In 1995, half of the people born in australia are from cities, 30% from rural areas and only 20% are from towns. For the people outside of Australia, most of the people still born in cities, which is around 60%. but the number of rural areas increased to 40% with the towns born rate decreased to only 10%.
In 2010, The people born in cities increased significianly in both in and outside Australia, especially in outside Australia, which reached 80%. The people bore in towns decreased simutanuously, to around 17% of the people born in Australia and 10% of outside Australia respectively. The most significiant change happened at rual areas numbers. It has shrinked to 17% of people born in Australia, and only around 5% of peopel bore outside Australia.
Overall, the chart shows us the trend that many people moved to Cities from rual area in the past 15 years.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6
一貫性と結束性
5
語彙力
4.5
文法の幅と正確性
4.5
試験官フィードバック
この回答はチャートの主要なデータポイントをカバーし、最後の段落に概要を含んでいます。しかし、頻繁なスペルミス（「Austrilia」「significianly」「simutanuously」「rual」「shrinked」「peopel」）や、動詞の形の誤り（「born」の代わりに「bore」）、時制の不一致などの文法的な誤りが文章の質を大きく損なっています。語彙の範囲が限られ、同じ表現が繰り返されています。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
The bar chart compares the distribution of Australian-born and overseas-born populations across urban, rural, and town areas in 1995 and 2010.
Overall, both groups showed a clear trend toward urbanisation over the 15-year period, with the proportion of residents in cities increasing markedly while rural and town populations declined. This shift was particularly pronounced among those born outside Australia.
In 1995, half of the Australian-born population resided in cities, with 30% in rural areas and 20% in towns. For people born overseas, the urban concentration was even higher at approximately 60%, while around 30% lived in rural areas and only 10% in towns. In both groups, urban living was already the dominant pattern.
By 2010, the proportion of city dwellers had risen substantially for both categories. Among Australian-born residents, the urban share climbed to around 65%, while the overseas-born figure surged to approximately 80%. Conversely, rural populations contracted significantly — falling to roughly 17% for those born in Australia and just 5% for those born overseas. Town populations also declined moderately, dropping to approximately 17% and 10% respectively. These figures underscore a sustained migration from rural and town settings toward urban centres during the period examined.
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