IELTSライティング Task 1: バンド5.5 エッセイサンプル — 社会
エッセイ問題
"The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
提出されたエッセイ
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The graph provides information about the number of overseas visitors to three areas in a European country namely; the coast, the mountains and the lakes. The data compare figures recorded in 1987 until 2007.
Overall, the coast had the greatest number of visitors in the first year and will continue until the end of the study. Meanwhile, among the three locations, mountains were noted to be the least among the categories.
In detail, at the start of the year, the coast was noted to be the highest with 40 thousand visitors in 1987. In the succeeding year, it had slightly decreased to 35 thousand. However, it had a sharp increased in number in follwing years and reached almost 80 thousand visitors at 2007.
The lakes were observed to be in lowest number of tourists who visited the location, at a number of 10 thousand in 1987, and this was followed by people who went to the mountains with 20 thousand visitors on the same year. However, in 1992 the two locations had identical pattern which rose up to over 20 thousand visitors respectively. The mountains had a slightly contuinuous increasing pattern throughout the remaining years ending with 35 thousand visitors. Meanwhile, the lakes continuous increased its number until 2002 with over 70 thousand visitors. This figures, however, showed a drastically decreasing pattern with 50 thousand visitors at the end of 2007.
Nomad English 評価
タスク達成度
6
一貫性と結束性
5.5
語彙力
5.5
文法の幅と正確性
5
試験官フィードバック
このエッセイは3つの場所の訪問者の傾向についての明確な概要を提供し、適切なタスク完了を示しています。しかし改善が必要な点がいくつかあります。'compare'の代わりに'compared'を使用し、'follwing'の代わりに'following'を使用するなどの文法的エラーは、正確さスコアを損なっています。'continue until the end'という表現は不自然であり、より正確なアカデミック用語から利益を得られることでしょう。エッセイは主な特徴をカバーしていますが、いくつかの転移はより滑らかにすることができ、より洗練された語彙は語彙範囲を向上させるでしょう。全体的な構造は論理的ですが、多様な文パターンはコヒーシオンを改善するでしょう。
バンド9 モデル回答
同じ問題に対するバンド9の模範回答：
The graph illustrates the variation in visitor numbers across three distinct European regions—the coast, the mountains, and the lakes—over a 20-year period from 1987 to 2007.
Overall, the coast attracted the highest number of visitors throughout the entire timeframe, consistently demonstrating its position as the most popular destination. In contrast, the mountains recorded the lowest visitor numbers across all three locations over the same period.
Examining the trends in detail, the coast commenced with approximately 40,000 visitors in 1987, experienced a marginal decline to 35,000 by 1992, then demonstrated a sustained upward trajectory, reaching nearly 80,000 visitors by 2007. The lakes initially recorded the lowest figures at 10,000 visitors in 1987, mirroring the mountains at 20,000 visitors. However, by 1992, both regions converged at slightly above 20,000 visitors. While the mountains exhibited a gradual but consistent increase, culminating in approximately 35,000 visitors, the lakes experienced more volatile patterns. The lakes demonstrated substantial growth until 2002, reaching over 70,000 visitors, but subsequently experienced a sharp decline to 50,000 by the conclusion of the period.
In summary, the coast maintained its dominance as the primary destination throughout the study period, while the lakes demonstrated the most significant fluctuations, and the mountains displayed the most stable growth trajectory.
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