IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?Discuss both views and give your opinion."
Original Submission
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There is some countries attain international sports by making and buliding unique specialised facilities to develop and improve top athletes, rather than providing sports facilities that anyone else can use. In my opinion, i think that building specialised facilities to encahnce top athletes potential is essential and its such a positive development, i also think that any sports player must have a good body and eat healthy food, because a good physique can improve movement, stamina and strength etc specially in the sports that depend alot on the body as an exmaple football, basketball, table tennis, swimming etc, and healthy food helps the athlete to achieve the physique that he wants and give him even more power and activity. builiding specialised facilities is important because they will train them specificly on certain things in order to make them the best, also they can focus on the athletes alone they are not going to be disturbed by people, every athlete with his coach, and that place only will be for the proffessnial athletes, as an example in table tennis professional players play in their clubs because they have the best enviroment to be better, they have amazing equipment such as the table the racket etc, and they have the coaches all over the place, and they can play with the players because they are all professional athletes. additionally those player have to be very fit, all of the top players are in extremely good shape their legs are built of metal in order to help them move quick in the table and the muscules helps with stamina if they are strong they can play more without getting tired. So yes the facilities are very helpful and crucial to reach the top and they have to follow a specific diet from the professional coaches.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay presents your personal opinion clearly and attempts to argue in favour of specialised facilities. However, there are significant technical issues affecting comprehensibility. Multiple spelling errors ('buliding,' 'encahnce,' 'proffessnial,' 'muscules') and awkward phrasing ('attain international sports,' 'disturbed by people') undermine the writing quality. Sentence structures are often run-on or fragmented, lacking proper connectives between ideas. While your examples (football, basketball, table tennis) support your position, the organisation could be improved by dedicating separate, focused paragraphs to the argument and counterargument before presenting your opinion.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
Many countries prioritise building specialised sports facilities to train elite athletes, often at the expense of public recreational facilities. While this approach has merit, I believe a balanced investment in both competitive and community sports infrastructure is the most beneficial strategy for national development.
Proponents of specialised athletic facilities argue that elite training centres are essential for international sporting success. By concentrating resources on top-performing athletes and providing them with world-class coaching, cutting-edge equipment, and optimal training environments, countries can significantly increase their competitive performance in global events. China's success in Olympic competitions exemplifies this approach, as their strategic investment in specialised facilities has consistently yielded remarkable results.
Conversely, advocates for public sports facilities contend that inclusive recreational infrastructure benefits society more comprehensively. When governments invest in accessible sports facilities for all citizens, they promote healthier lifestyles, increase physical activity participation, and create opportunities for undiscovered talent to emerge. History demonstrates that exceptional athletes often emerge from modest backgrounds; Diego Maradona, for instance, was discovered playing in a local field rather than elite facilities.
In my view, the most effective strategy combines both approaches. Governments should allocate sufficient resources to elite training centres to remain internationally competitive, while simultaneously investing in community sports infrastructure to foster public health and talent development. This balanced approach ensures both national sporting prestige and broader social benefits, ultimately generating more opportunities for athletic excellence while promoting population-wide wellness.
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