IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 5.5 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion."
Original Submission
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Sports is an essential part to most of us , some of us consider it a lifestyle and others consider it a job or source of income , So it's a huge part in our live.
Building specialized facilities to improve and develop athelets levels it's kind of encouragment to this category of people , and it reflects enormous benefit to them. Either by providing to them the professional training or by make them ready to international competitions. But narrowing the attention of sports to a specific category and ignore other categories actually doesn't sounds a good idea.
Athelets consider as a important part of the community but the don't cover most of it, and other people have the right to have sport facilities that suits their level and everyone whatever is it beginner or professional can use it.
Sports is a public interest that doesn't include specific people in it, and it's important to all genders and all ages, so providing facilities to specific ones can end up with unfairness results. In other hand , providing this facilities to all public people will lead to increase in sport awarness and end up with more people having healthy lifesyle.
In conclousion , according to medical facts said that's doing sport daily and make it essence in your life decreases heart attacks and raise the life quality, specified just the athelets people with sports facilities is undesireable decision. In other hand , raising the number of gyms and sports areas will conclude with healthier society.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
6
Coherence & Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
5.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
5
Examiner Feedback
This essay attempts to address the question but falls short in several areas. The task response is partially adequate — the writer discusses sports facilities but does not clearly present two opposing views as required by the 'discuss both views' prompt. The essay lacks a clear structure, with the introduction not clearly outlining the discussion, and body paragraphs blending arguments rather than separating them. There are frequent grammatical errors including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and misspellings throughout. The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several words misspelled ('athelets,' 'conclousion,' 'undesireable'). Coherence is weakened by the misuse of linking phrases such as 'In other hand.'
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The allocation of government funding toward sports infrastructure is a subject of ongoing debate. Some argue that building specialised facilities for elite athletes is the most effective path to international sporting success, while others contend that public sports provisions should be universally accessible. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own position.
Proponents of investing in elite training facilities maintain that top-tier athletes require purpose-built environments to reach peak performance. High-performance training centres equipped with advanced technology, specialised coaching staff, and sports science support enable athletes to push the boundaries of human achievement. The success of nations such as China and Great Britain at recent Olympic Games can be largely attributed to systematic investment in elite sports infrastructure. From this perspective, channelling resources into a smaller number of exceptional athletes yields the greatest return in terms of international prestige and medal counts.
Conversely, those who favour universal access to sports facilities argue that restricting resources to the elite is both inequitable and counterproductive. Widespread availability of gymnasiums, swimming pools, and playing fields encourages mass participation, which delivers significant public health benefits including reduced rates of obesity, cardiovascular disease, and mental health disorders. Moreover, grassroots sports programmes serve as the essential pipeline from which future elite athletes emerge. Without affordable, accessible facilities at the community level, talented individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds may never have the opportunity to discover and develop their abilities.
In my view, prioritising universal sports access is the more beneficial approach. While elite facilities are important, they serve a negligible fraction of the population. Community sports infrastructure, by contrast, promotes physical wellbeing across all demographics, reduces healthcare costs, and ensures that talent identification is not limited by socioeconomic circumstances. A balanced policy that maintains some elite provision while significantly expanding public access would deliver the greatest benefit to society.
In conclusion, although investment in specialised training facilities can enhance a nation's competitive standing, universal sports provision is ultimately more valuable as it improves public health, promotes social inclusion, and broadens the talent pool from which future champions can emerge.
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