IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 8.5 Essay Sample on Education
Essay Question
"Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?"
Original Submission
Click highlighted text to view suggestions
There is currently a material issue that while the majority of students are eager to learn business or art in university, there are only a few students who want to study science, leading to numerous negative effects on community. With respect to this matter, there are also a wide variety of factors that influence the decision of students to not study science subjects. It is undeniable that there are many reasons why undergraduates avoid studying science. A classic example of this is that science is extremely difficult to understand. In order to fully comprehend a particular scientific phenomenon, students have to learn complex theories that cause the phenomena. Therefore, they tend to choose other subjects that are easier to understand. Another common reason is a small amount of salary for working in scientific fields. When student choose subjects to study at university, they tend to enroll in an area that they could make a lot of money from having that knowledge. Since science career does not offer high remuneration, student possibly prefer to study other subjects such as business which offers higher salary instead. It is true that there are many negative consequences on society of having less undergraduates studying science. One clear impact of this is the decreasing in innovation. This is because scientific comprehension is a mandatory requirement for creating an innovation. Hence, having only a few people who understand science will inevitably hold the creation of modern innovation. Furthermore, the current environmental crisis, such as an increase in global temperature, would perhaps reach a point of no return. Since the crisis relates to environment which is one of scientific aspects, having a small number of attention from students would lead to less social pressure to address this crisis properly. In conclusion, it is the fact that science is complicated and people who have scientific knowledge can make less money than those who are expertise in other areas, resulting in less popularity in learning about science for university students. Moreover, with the rise in this problem, this trend possibly suspends the creation of new innovation and deteriorate the current environmental issues, which are two most crucial matters for society.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
8.5
Coherence & Cohesion
8.5
Lexical Resource
8.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
8.5
Examiner Feedback
This essay effectively addresses the problem/solution structure by identifying two primary reasons (difficulty and low salaries) and articulating two major societal consequences (reduced innovation and environmental concerns). The argument is well-developed and logically organised. However, there are some grammatical inconsistencies and awkward phrasings that marginally impact clarity. Phrases like 'material issue,' 'cause the phenomena,' and 'having a small number of attention' demonstrate that while the writer understands complex structures, proofreading would eliminate errors. The essay demonstrates strong lexical range with terms like 'undeniable,' 'mandatory requirement,' and 'remuneration,' contributing to the Band 8.5 rating.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
Declining science enrolment in universities represents a concerning trend with far-reaching implications. This essay examines the principal causes—namely complexity and economic incentives—before analysing the societal repercussions, particularly regarding innovation capacity and environmental stewardship.
Numerically and pedagogically, science disciplines present formidable barriers to entry. Complex mathematical frameworks and abstract theoretical concepts demand sustained intellectual effort and rigorous methodology. Unlike humanities-based subjects offering more intuitive engagement, science requires extensive cumulative knowledge before mastery becomes attainable. Concurrently, financial considerations significantly deter prospective science students. Graduates in commerce, finance, or technology entrepreneurship enjoy substantially superior remuneration compared to their counterparts in pure scientific research. This economic disparity incentivises rational students to pursue more lucrative career trajectories, inevitably reducing the pool of science-oriented undergraduates.
These trends precipitate profound societal consequences. Foremost, diminished scientific literacy impairs technological innovation and research advancement. Modern civilisation depends upon continuous scientific discovery to address complex challenges ranging from medical breakthroughs to engineering solutions. Secondly, environmental deterioration demands urgent scientific expertise. Climate change, resource depletion, and biodiversity collapse necessitate rigorous investigation and novel solutions that only scientifically trained professionals can develop and implement. Without adequate scientific talent, society faces technological stagnation and environmental catastrophe.
Addressing this crisis requires multifaceted intervention: governments must elevate science educator compensation, universities should redesign curricula to enhance accessibility, and industry must demonstrate science's practical applications through scholarship programmes and internship opportunities. Only through collective commitment can nations reverse this trend and cultivate the scientific expertise essential for contemporary prosperity.
Get instant feedback on your own essay
Our AI evaluator scores your IELTS writing in seconds — with detailed corrections just like above.
Try It Free