IELTS Writing Task 2: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on Education
Essay Question
"Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?"
Original Submission
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In this essay we will talk about why in so many countries students do not prefer to choose science as a subject in the universities. There are plenty of reasons for this problem and what effect does this have on society? This essay will suggest many reasons for this problem. The main reason of this problem is lack of trained Math and Science teachers. If students do not get proper foundation and motivation in their school life to persue science, They will develop Science and Math phobia. Due to which they will prefer to choose any other stream than science to pursue their higher education. Eventually, this will effect society in many ways. If students stopped taking science as their majors, their will be shortage of doctors. Because of that, people will suffer from many health problems. Secondly, if students do not take science as their major there will be no placement of science teachers for the future generation. According to me, Government should take firm steps to stop this from happening. There must be some training or some programs to keep teachers up to date to enhance their teaching.This will enable teachers to make science subjects enjoyable for students, for instance, teachers may incorporate technology in the learning process. To conclude, I belive that government and teachers should take the responsibility to create the environment to learn these subjects in a fun way. This will, eventually, increase the number of students enrolling for Science Subjects in coming future. Otherwise, it may have negative impact on society which will not be a good sign for any country.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay addresses both parts of the question—reasons for the decline in science students and effects on society—but the development is somewhat thin. The introduction is overly informal and uses a rhetorical question inappropriately. Paragraphing is adequate, though the body paragraph blends causes and effects together rather than separating them clearly. Vocabulary is generally appropriate but limited, with several spelling errors ('persue', 'belive') and a key word confusion ('effect' vs 'affect'). Grammar shows a fair range but includes errors in articles, pronoun-antecedent agreement ('their' for 'there'), and sentence structure. The conclusion restates the main idea but adds little new insight.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
A declining interest in science at the university level has become a recognisable pattern across numerous countries, and understanding why this happens—and what it means for wider society—demands honest scrutiny of both educational systems and labour markets. The roots of this disengagement often stretch back well before university. Underfunded school science departments, staffed by teachers who lack specialist training, struggle to present physics, chemistry, or biology as anything more than rote memorisation. When students spend years copying formulae without ever designing an experiment or debating a hypothesis, science begins to feel like drudgery rather than discovery. Compounding this, families and career advisors frequently steer young people toward law, business, or technology—fields perceived as offering quicker financial returns and more visible career ladders. A teenager weighing a four-year biochemistry degree against a finance programme with guaranteed internship pipelines will, quite rationally, lean toward the latter. The societal consequences of this drift are neither abstract nor distant. Healthcare systems depend on a steady pipeline of graduates in medicine, pharmacology, and biomedical research; fewer science students today means fewer qualified practitioners a decade from now. National innovation capacity also erodes: countries that cannot produce their own researchers become dependent on importing expertise or licensing foreign technology, weakening both economic sovereignty and strategic resilience. Environmental challenges—climate modelling, renewable energy engineering, sustainable agriculture—similarly require large numbers of scientifically literate graduates, people who are simply not being produced in sufficient quantities. Addressing this shortfall requires more than posters encouraging teenagers to "choose STEM." Governments need to invest in teacher development, fund laboratory equipment in secondary schools, and create scholarship programmes that make science degrees financially competitive with business or law. When the path into science feels as accessible and rewarding as its alternatives, enrolment figures will follow.
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