IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 7 Essay Sample on Society
Essay Question
"The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
Original Submission
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Information about the thousands of visits from overseas to three different European natural places during 1987 and 2007 is provided in the given line chart.
Overall, it can be seen that the number of visitors increased significantly in the three places compared to the initial year. Although, visits to Europeans lakes demostrated more changes over the 20 years than its counterparts.
In more detail, the most steady growth was experienced by the visits to Europeans mountains. For example, from 1987 the number of visitors grew from 20,000 to almost the double 20 years later. Similarly, visits to the coast also rose after a slight fall in 1992, reaching almost twice as much since 1987, with 75,000.
Those visiting Europeans lakes subtantially increased over the years from 10 thousand to a peak of 75 thousand in 2002. Despite falling for about 25 thousand in 2007, the visitis to this place remained higher compared to 1987, with 50,000 at the end of the period.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7.5
Coherence & Cohesion
7
Lexical Resource
7
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6.5
Examiner Feedback
This is a competent Task 1 response that demonstrates a clear understanding of the data and presents an effective overview identifying the key trends. The writing is well-organised with a logical progression from overview to specific details, and comparisons between the three areas are made throughout. The main weaknesses are recurring spelling errors ('demostrated,' 'subtantially,' 'visitis') and the repeated grammatical error of 'Europeans' instead of 'European' as an adjective. The phrase 'almost the double' is also unidiomatic. With more careful proofreading and attention to adjective forms, this response could achieve a higher band.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors, measured in thousands, to three distinct natural attractions — the coast, mountains, and lakes — in a European country over a 20-year period from 1987 to 2007.
Overall, all three destinations experienced a net increase in visitor numbers by the end of the period. However, while the coast and mountains showed relatively steady upward trends, visits to the lakes were characterised by considerably more volatility, including a sharp rise followed by a notable decline.
In 1987, the coast was by far the most visited destination, attracting approximately 38,000 overseas visitors, compared with around 20,000 for the mountains and just 10,000 for the lakes. Over the following two decades, visits to the mountains grew steadily and almost doubled to roughly 40,000 by 2007. The coast followed a broadly similar trajectory, dipping slightly to around 35,000 in 1992 before recovering and climbing to approximately 75,000 by the end of the period — nearly twice its 1987 figure.
The most dramatic fluctuations occurred in visits to the lakes. From a modest starting point of 10,000 in 1987, visitor numbers surged substantially to reach a peak of 75,000 in 2002, briefly matching the coast as the most popular destination. However, this figure fell sharply by approximately 25,000 over the subsequent five years, ending the period at around 50,000 — still five times higher than the 1987 level, but considerably below its peak.
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