IELTS Writing Task 1: Band 6.5 Essay Sample on the Environment
Essay Question
"The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words."
Rainwater Treatment Process in an Australian Town
| Stage | Step | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Collection | Rainwater falls on house rooftops and is channelled into gutters/drains |
| 2 | Filtration | Water passes through a multi-layer water filter removing leaves, sediment and particles |
| 3 | Storage | Filtered water is stored in a large underground storage tank |
| 4 | Chemical Treatment | Water is pumped to a treatment tank where chemical substances are added to purify it |
| 5 | Distribution | Fully treated drinking water is pumped back to households through a pipe system |
Original Submission
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The diagram illustrates the way in which drinking water is produced from rain water. Overall, converting water from nature into those for human daily use is a cyclical process that consists of collecting, filtering, storing, chemical treating and making the new product for reuse. After falling from the rooftop, the water is collected by the gutter, following the direction in the drain underground. Once there, the water has to undergo the filter, which mechanically removes its impurities. This is the initial cleaning step for rainwater. The water is then poured into a storage tank, waiting for the next cleaning experience. In this stage, it is transported to the water treatment. Chemicals are essential for this process as they will deeply remove the residue that cannot be washed by the water filter and make water fit for consumption. Finally, the water experiencing double cleaning process, is delivered to households for different daily utilization. And once it is used and becomes rain, it goes through the recycling process all over again.
Nomad English Assessment
Task Response
7
Coherence & Cohesion
6.5
Lexical Resource
6.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
6
Examiner Feedback
This essay covers the main stages of the process in a reasonably organised way, but it is weakened by several vocabulary and grammar issues. The overview contains inaccurate language, describing the process as 'cyclical' (it is linear) and using the wrong pronoun 'those'. The phrase 'chemical treating' is grammatically incorrect, and 'the next cleaning experience' is an inappropriate word choice. The closing sentence introduces information not present in the diagram, claiming the water eventually becomes rain and is recycled, which is an unsupported inference. Greater precision in vocabulary and a closer focus on what is shown in the diagram would significantly raise the band score.
Band 9 Model Rewrite
Here's how a Band 9 response to the same question would look:
The diagram illustrates the process by which rainwater is collected and progressively treated to become safe drinking water for domestic use in an Australian town. Overall, the process is linear and comprises five key stages: collection from rooftops, mechanical filtration, underground storage, chemical treatment, and final distribution to households. Rainwater is first gathered from sloped rooftops via gutters, which channel the water into underground drainage pipes. The water then passes through a water filter that mechanically removes physical impurities such as dust, sediment, and debris, completing the initial stage of purification. Once filtered, the water is conveyed into a large underground storage tank, where it is held before being pumped into a separate water treatment tank. In this final treatment stage, chemical substances are introduced to neutralise harmful microorganisms and eliminate any remaining contaminants, rendering the water safe for drinking. The fully treated water is then distributed through a pipe system to every household, ready for daily consumption.
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